The Secrets That You Keep
by JakeDanielRoss
Summary: Is it a secret when everybody knows?When,"Good Things Come In Time",just when do you accept you may not be the,"Good Thing" that was being sought all along? Slash
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Soo, this is my latest effort. As you can see by the characters listed, its a Slash fic. If that bothers you, please dont even start it because I am not making any apologies for it or for what I do to the characters, it is what it is. This will not update as fast as my other stories have because its got a lot of pain put in it ,(as well as humor) and it tends to make me wander around muttering and cussing a bit as I write.**

** Being a secret is no way to live or love.**

Twenty years after I drove off down the highway vowing to never look back, never to think about him or this damned town ever again, here I stand talking to him, my heart bleeding all over my boots just as raw and aching as it was the last time his name crossed my lips.

Nothing much has changed for me, I am still the black sheep of the family, still falling short of everyone's expectations, except in fucking up, not only my life, but the lives of those around me as well and I can't help but to believe that it all comes back to him and that point in time when my life took a sharp wrong turn in the wrong direction.

It really isn't his fault I guess, he really didn't have much say in what happened and how things changed, but I still can't help but to wonder that if I hadn't tried to force his hand, tried to force him to admit what we had, and who we were to each other, if maybe, just maybe, it all would have worked out in the end and it would be me up there on that stage next to him instead of her, and our lives would have had that fairy tale ending. Fairytale ending? Isn't that just fucking ironic? We, the so-called 'Fairy's" never seem to be the ones to get them.

**A lifetime ago…**

"Hey, I think you might be in the wrong class buddy." The guy sitting at the table where I had set my books before stepping out the side door to smoke a quick cigarette before the rest of the cadets filed in, did not look like he belonged in a police academy class at all, unless it was to be a volunteer for the drug search section. His hair was shaggy and sticking up like he hadn't introduced it to a comb in a week, and he was wearing a t-shirt and jeans that left him looking like last season's scarecrow because they were obviously for someone at least a couple sizes smaller than his 6'4 or better frame that was sprawled all over the chair like he couldn't decide if he wanted to sit in the chair or sleep in the floor. He blearily blinked at me and gave me a toothy grin.

"Is this the first class of the police academy?"

"Well, yes it is, but…"

"Then I am in the right place."

"What department are you with? You are supposed to be sponsored by a police department to be able to get into this class."

"I am sponsored by a department, check it out." He stood up, towering over me, which caused him to grin even bigger, "Hey, do you know you are kinda short?"

"That's not cool. Let me see that." I took the wadded up paper he had retrieved from the depths of his pocket, along with a myriad of other junk that was now scattered all over my formerly orderly table, and unwadding it I was dismayed to find it did indeed introduce him as a newly accepted and sponsored cadet for MY department! He was a sheriff's cadet, the same as me.

"Who do you know? How did you get hired?"

"What do you mean, know? I don't know anybody. I just applied and they said okay."

"Do you have a degree? Are you a veteran? How old are you? What your story?"

"Well aren't you the nosy little fella. Don't you think you ought to at least buy me dinner before you go asking me so many questions?"

"What! What are you talking about! I'm not gay!"

"Riiight….you just are that neat and orderly and well groomed naturally? Dude, if you are trying to hide it, you need to learn to blend better."

I couldn't even respond to him at that point because the director of the academy came walking into the room.

"Whitlock, good to see you, I knew you would be here early. I see you have met Cullen. He's the sheriffs' new golden boy computer crimes genius. Cullen, you might be slated to work mainly white collar and tech shit once you are certified, but you still have to meet standards and get that way, and if you show up in my classroom looking like hammered shit again, that won't be happening. Whitlock, the sheriff wanted me to let you know, you are responsible for that lump sitting next to you, so 'Mutt, meet Jeff", you two will also be sharing quarters in the dorms."

"Wait, what? I have to live with him? He acts like such a tight ass I bet he sleeps at attention. Nobody said anything about this being like, a round the clock thing. I do have a life you know. Why do I have to live in the dorms? I have a place!"

"Cullen that is not my problem, that is between you and your department and your new best friend. You have 3 days to get your shit squared away and get moved into the dorms and then report back to training looking like the rest of my dialed in individuals or else you and your partner in crime will find yourselves in a world of shit or separated from the academy, so I strongly suggest you figure things out pretty quick. Now, if you ladies don't mind, I have other cadets to see to besides you prima donnas, so figure yourselves out on your own time."

"Yes Sir!" I snapped to like the Marine I was and sat down as soon as I cleared Cullen's crap off of my spot. I couldn't believe I was being saddled with someone who had seemingly no esprit de corps. I sat there looking at him, slumped like a big, stoned gorilla, half hanging off the chair looking like he was going to step out of the oversized basketball shoes he was wearing that were the most God awful and gaudy colors. I could only imagine what his living habits were like as I pictured his clutter all over the orderly and neat dorm room I had already moved into. I took careful notes the first night, filed all the handouts in my department issued binder and by the end of the night I was more than prepared to not only come properly equipped for the next class, I was lined out for the next few weeks and I was planning study groups for my other department members to build us into a cohesive team, with Cullen as our weak link.

"Hey Whitlock, I think you forgot something…"

"What's that?"

"Your boots are hanging out of the director's ass a little bit; you might want to bend your knees."

"Why don't we just take this outside right now motherfucker?"

"What?" Dude, lighten up. I was just teasing you a little."

"Well, I am tired of it and I am not going to put up with it for the duration. I have done my time in the Corp and I am more than capable of kicking your rangy ass, so if you want to keep on being a smart ass, then let's go."

"Dude, I don't want to hurt you. You seem like a good guy and we are going to be living together and shit, I don't want you to kill me in my sleep."

"We will see who hurts who, motherfucker. I will not be picked on. Now you either step outside and we settle this like men or you shut the fuck up and learn to listen like the good little civilian."

"There aint nothing little on me, can you say the same?"

The director, who had been working on gathering his briefcase up at his desk while pointedly ignoring the testosterone fueled standoff in the back of the room, looked up at that point because I think he realized that the going outside part was about to become less of an option as I drew back and punched Cullen in the gut.

It was a good shot and it did wind him for about half a second. He looked at me and said, "You hit me, you DICK!" and then he hit me back, HARD.

He had fists that as they were coming at me, seemed to be the size of my head, and the one that connected with my skull left me seeing stars and on my knees in front of him.

"That seems like a good position for you; I bet you assume it often, don't you?"

"Oh fuck." The director muttered from the front of the room as he took out his cell phone and called for his second in command just as I punched Cullen in his knee, dropping him to my level and then tackling him and punching him in the face and neck over and over as he tried to get me in a bear hug, but instead ended up pinning me face down on the floor and laying on top of me like a disgusting blanket.

"Uh, guys? I understand you want to get better acquainted and such, but I need to lock up tonight and you do have a room in the dorm for that shit. Get off of each other and take your shit on down the road."

Cullen took his time getting up off of me, making sure to push his groin into my ass as he got up whispering in my ear, "Bet you like that, don't you?"

Honestly? I was to angry and shocked to know how I felt as I jumped up and rammed him right in the gut and out the door and into the parking lot where we rolled around throwing punches and kicks and even elbows, until the director threw our backpacks at us as he got into his car.

"You ladies better kiss and make up pretty quick; otherwise it's going to make living together all kinds of fun for you."

Cullen was momentarily distracted by the director leaving, so I was able to use that to my advantage, and honestly, I was past fighting fair. He was a moose compared to me, I had no backup coming to help me out so I did the one thing I knew would work, I went for a sack tap, I did not expect to find that he was the one who seemed to be enjoying our rolling around on the ground fight in unexpected ways, I knew then that this was going to be a very weird beginning of a change in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank you for the positive reviews and support! I am glad that some folks are interested in this. I dont write full on slash very often but this one has been rolling around in my head lately. Please let me know what you think. **

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you touching my junk you weirdo? Owww!"

He was rolling around on the ground clutching his junk and whining like he and been brutalized far beyond a simple thump that had actually been far lighter than I intended, due larger in fact to my shock at finding he was sporting a hard on and obviously aroused by our fight.

"I wasn't touching your junk! I was going for a defensive strike to disable my enemy."

"Dude! What are you, a chick? Dudes don't hit other dudes in the junk! You need to fight like a man. Fuuuck! I think you killed me you little weirdo."

"If you keep calling me little, I am going to kick you while you are rolling around crying like a bitch. There is no such thing as a fair fight when your enemy has the advantage. It's going on 2200 hours and I have things to do tomorrow, so I am going to my quarters. Enjoy your evening Cullen. Make sure you are squared away and ready for class on Friday, if you still look like a sad sack and cause me problems, that will seem like a love tap."

"Wait! Where is the dorm room we are supposed to share? How do I reach you? What the hell do they mean by standards? Are you going to help me or not? Come on, Whitlock, I'll quit picking on you."

I couldn't believe I was stuck with such a mess of an individual. He was still lying on the ground like he was wounded beyond repair, and he had, in fact lost one of his goofy looking over sized shoes. I kicked it towards him and shuddered as he stuck his foot out with a grimy sock half hanging off of it, as if he expected me to put his shoe on it.

"Get your ass up, Cullen. If you expect me to show you where the room is, then you need to step it up and follow me so I can get this dog and pony show over before it gets much later. I still have things to do before I hit the rack, and they don't involve dealing with you."

"Huh…gotta iron your underwear? Practice saluting? Masturbating to the Marine Corp Hymn?"

"Do you want me to kick your ass again?"

"I didn't know you kicked it last time. As I recall you grabbed my dick and freaked out."

"Stifle it Cullen and hurry up." We walked across the campus, me moving at my regularly fast pace and him meandering along behind me.

"Okay Cullen this is the residence hall; you will need to check in with the front desk staff during business hours to get your own key. We are on the second floor in the men's wing, we have the end room which means we don't have to share the bathroom with anyone else, but the showers are communal at the end of the hall. "

"Whoa, this is nice! You have a microwave? Cool! My roommates killed ours last week and I haven't replaced it yet. So you make your bed like that every day, and fold all your laundry like that? Interesting. Where are your posters? Is this your girlfriend? Who are the chicks? They are pretty cute for chicks."

"Those are my sisters, please do not touch my things. "

"Oh really? Yeah…I can see the resemblance now. So where is your girlfriend picture?"

"I don't have one."

"Interesting."

"I haven't had time. I have been too busy to get involved with anyone, and when I was available, I was in the other side of the world in a place where there wasn't exactly a lot of time for dating."

"Soo, let me guess, you are a good little soldier but you got tired of getting shot at over by foreigners so you decided to come home and be a cop and fight the drug war where it's a little safer?"

He was asking to get his ass kicked again. This guy was an asshole who needed to be put in his place, and talking to him wasn't going to shut him up, so I decided to show him. I was getting ready to hit the rack anyway, so as he sat on what would be his bunk like he was already making himself at home, I decided to just proceed with typical routine. I unbuttoned and pulled off my shirt, revealing the scars that covered my chest and side in a jagged and gory road map.

"DUDE! What the hell?"

"I guess you could say this is part of my reason for coming back here to fight the drug war instead of staying over there and fighting, not that I had a choice anymore. Once I got out of the hospital, the Corp decided that with only one kidney and no spleen, as well as part of a lung gone, they really couldn't use me anymore, so they booted me out. I was lucky enough to finally be able to get medically cleared enough to meet standards for this department, so I am not going to let you fuck it up for me."

"Holy shit, man! What the hell? Did you get shot or what?"

"They don't follow the same rules over there that we do when it comes to fighting and how they treat the wounded. I was a medic and it was my job to try and save anyone who might be able to provide intel on troop movements. We came upon this car on the side of the road that had a guy in it that had been hit; I went up to check him out and just as I reached the door of the car, it exploded. That's all I know. I woke up a few weeks later in Germany."

He got up and came and stood over me, staring at my scars. His stupid hair flopping into his eyes like an over-grown teenagers would. He looked every bit like an over-grown teen ager, and I despaired being able to get him into shape in time to keep us out of trouble with the director, until he reached out and gently poked the largest of lumps of scar tissue and said, "I know a guy who is a great plastic surgeon, when we are through with the academy, if you don't kill me, I will make sure he fixes that for you if you want. Now, what do we need to do to keep us out of trouble and get me to these so called, 'Standards'?"

"There is a lot to go over and I'm tired. How about you come back tomorrow morning and we will start fresh and see if we can begin to get you sorted out?"

"Well, it's already 11, why don't I just crash here on my bunk tonight and that way I don't have to worry about not waking up in time an pissing you off or driving all the way back out here in the morning."

'But you don't have any bedding or gear! What will you sleep in?"

'No worries, man. I sleep naked anyway and if you will loan me a sheet, then you don't have to worry about seeing anything you don't want to see."

"You sleep naked? No! You cannot sleep naked! You have to at least wear your underwear."

"What underwear?"

"You aren't wearing underwear? That is not sanitary."

"I'm very clean."

"No, that is just not right. You have to wear underwear."

"Dude, you need to learn to relax a little. Maybe if you didn't wear underwear you would be less tense. Now, are you going to loan me a sheet or are you going to get to know me better than you should this soon?"

He pulled off his shirt and kicked off his ugly shoes, and with a salacious grin began unbuttoning his jeans.

"You wouldn't!"

"Dude, I would. I am tired too and I have no problem with my body, so unless you want to look at my fine form all night long, you should probably find me a sheet or prepare to be dazzled."

And with that he dropped his pants. True to his word, he was naked underneath his jeans. I grabbed the sheet off my own bed and threw it at him. He caught it and wrapped up in it like it was a toga, before flopping gracelessly down on the bunk in a slovenly heap.

"Don't think I didn't see you looking. It's okay, you know. It is pretty spectacular."

"I didn't look!"

"Riiiight, sure you didn't. It's okay. Good night Whitlock."

I awoke early the next morning to the feeling that I was being watched. I opened my eyes to find Cullen standing over me with that same goofy grin on his face.

"I was right, you do sleep at attention!"

"What the fuck is your malfunction you weirdo? Leave me alone!"

'Aww, don't be that way! Were you dreaming about me? It's okay if you did, I dreamed about you, and by the way, you might want to wash that sheet now."

"Oh my GOD! I am not GAY! Why do you think I am gay?"

"Do you know for sure you aren't gay? Do you know for sure you are straight?"

"I don't know what I am. I've never really thought about it and it's not even an issue right now. I don't have time for a social life or dating. The academy is my social life, and you should be thinking the same thing if you want to get through it. Would you please put some damn pants on and quit staring at me!"

"Does it bother you when I stare at you?"

"It's not comfortable! Now get some clothes on, I don't need to see that! Im going to go get a shower and then we will get started on the day."

"I need a shower too; do you have an extra towel?"

"Are you kidding me? Can't you wait until you get back to your apartment?"

"Probably not, I am willing to bet my roommates have used all the hot water by now. Come on; just let me use your spare towel. Ill wash it for you along with the sheet after we get done moving my stuff."

"I don't have any extra soap."

"Just give me a squirt of shampoo, I'll be fine."

"Oh good Lord, Come on then, and stay on your side of the wall."

"Are you going to shower in your underwear?"

"NO!"

"Well then why are you still wearing them? Are you ashamed? Are you a short man? It's okay if you are, there is something for everyone."

"I am not a short man! I am just fine! I just wasn't ready to go yet."

"You're bashful aren't you? I thought you were in the Marines? Aren't you guys like naked with each other all the time?"

"Will you please shut up? And NO! We aren't naked with each other all the time, I mean, it's not like that."

"Oh, I get it. You are just nervous because you think I want you or something? Dude, don't worry. I won't molest you or anything. I'll wait until you come to me."

"Will you please stop talking? Let's just get this over with. We are wasting daylight and we have to get your crap as well as see about getting you a haircut and the proper dress for class."

"Why do I have to have a haircut? I like my hair the way it is!"

"It's not to standards and it will be better for you if you get a high and tight, otherwise you will be really uncomfortable during PT."

"Is it going to have to be as short as yours?"

"Mine is actually in need of a trim as well, so it will probably end up being a little shorter as will mine. What the hell are you doing? I said you had to stay on your side of the wall!"

"I need a squirt."

"Whaa?"

"Dude! Chill out! I need some shampoo, gimme a squirt."

"Back up! Was it entirely necessary to walk up behind me like that?"

"No, but you were busy so I was just going to help myself. You were right by the way, you aren't a short man. Nice!"

It was the start of a very long day.


	3. Chapter 3

"Aren't you hot?"

"No Cullen, I am not hot. I am used to dressing like this."

"My name is Edward. My friends call me Ed, and I am just saying that cowboy boots in this heat make you look a little touched in the head."

"Look, Cullen. There is nothing wrong with wearing cowboy boots. They are the preferred footwear of where I am from, and I grew up wearing them. I am used to them."

"Guess it doesn't hurt that they make you a little taller either, huh? So, what is your first name?"

"Why? Why do you need to know my first name? You know my last name and that is suitable for getting my attention or addressing me."

"Do you have an embarrassing first name? Where are you from? Georgia? Louisiana?"

"Do you really want me to kick your ass today? Of course I am not some damn coonass! Jesus boy! Have you no sense? I am from Texas!"

"Ahh, cool, me too, so maybe that's why they stuck us together in the dorm and stuff."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You are from Texas? You don't sound like you are from Texas. Whereabouts? Who are your people?"

"Quid Pro Quo, Whitlock. You tell me your first name and I'll tell you something about me."

"No. Never mind then, I will just find out from the department advisor when I meet with them tomorrow."

"OH boy! It much be a good one if you won't tell, I am going to have to guess. Let's see, I know your first initial is J because I saw that on your gear, so that narrows it down quite a bit."

"Just give it a rest Cullen, we are at the barbers."

"Oh good! More people to help me guess!"

He hopped out of my truck and went loping into the shop like a big, demented giraffe, a goofy grin on his face and I could see him animatedly talking to the old Mexican barber standing behind the counter. It was my luck that there were at least 3 other people in there including the barbers teenage daughter who helped out around the shop sometimes. She was eagerly listening to everything Cullen was saying and peering through the window of the shop at me like I was a rare zoo specimen. I debated putting the truck in reverse and leaving him there, but I knew I was just delaying the inevitable. I had to get him dialed in and ready to go for inspection, otherwise we both would be hung out to dry, especially since I knew the department was wary of taking someone like me on due to all my injuries. I had jumped through too many hoops already to lose it due to that knucklehead. I had no idea what his deal was. He could not seem less like a cop and I had no idea what the hell he thought he was doing trying to go to a police academy that was going to be filled with Marines and other former military to become something that seemed to be about the direct opposite of his personality type.

The director said he was some computer whiz kid? Well then why wasn't he off in that new gold mine for his type called Silicone Valley or some bullshit like that? Why was he here, complicating my life?

"Hola Senor Whitlock, your friend here tells me you both need the usual?"

His grin was barely suppressed as he guided me to my usual chair as his son took Cullen to his station.

"Actually, we will be getting inspected on Friday so you might ought to take us to inspection standards, okay?"

I grinned and winked at the old barber as he nodded and barked orders at his son in Spanish. Cullen didn't stop guessing names as the barber fastened the cape around him and first began trimming the mop of hair with scissors.

"Julian?"

"No, Cullen. Not even close. Just let it go. I'm not telling you, you don't need to know."

"Julius?"

"Jeesh Cullen! I'm a Texan. A 10th generation Texan I don't think that name even exists in Texas."

He wasn't paying attention as the man cutting his hair finally took the clippers and stepped in front of him and then firmly grasping his jaw in one hand to steady him, with the other, took the clippers and steadily ran up the middle of Cullen's skull, peeling him like a grape, just as the elder barber did the same to me. Inspection standards to me meant pretty much no hair. It was easy to keep clean and definantly made sure no stray hairs were on the ears or collar, for at least 6 months to a year. The look of horror that crossed Cullen's face as long pieces of hair began raining past his eyes was picture worthy, and I wished I had captured the moment.

"I thought that would shut you up."

"Oh my God! What did you do! I'm going to be bald! I can't be bald! What the hell!"

The barber worked swiftly and steadily since he was already committed, and before too long Cullen's skull was gleamingly whitely in front of us. It actually wasn't a bad look for him. He had disturbingly bright eyes and deep dimples that appeared when he realized that I was staring at him.

"Like what you see Whitlock? Do you have some kind of bald fetish or something?"

"No! It's just shocking to see you not looking like some hippie reject."

"Jehosephat"

"What? Are you simple? Who the hell would name their kid that?"

"Jose?"

"Do I look Mexican? No offence senor."

"None taken senor Whitlock, Joseph?"

"No sir. It's not Joseph."

"Jesus?"

"Cullen, I am not even going to dignify that."

"Aww come on Whitlock, what is your first name? Everybody here wants to know now. Are you ashamed of it? Is it that bad that you don't want to share it?"

"No! It's not bad, it's a very traditional, old, family name but it's also none of your business."

"Jethro"

"Cullen just let it drop and pay the man so we can go get your stuff."

"Its Jethro isn't it? Wow…did your parents hate you or what? So now we know why you became a Marine, you got your ass kicked every day in school for that name."

"Aye Dios!"

"Cullen, we better take this outside."

"Are you going to grab my junk again, because I gotta tell you, if you want to do that, you should probably wait until we are at my apartment?"

"Adios Senor. Gracias"

I turned and walked out of the shop leaving the giggling shop owners daughter staring after me as I stalked to my truck with Cullen loping after me in his weird, ungainly gait"

"Jethro! Jethro! Wait! Don't get mad! I was just teasing you again. Come on Jethro, grow a sense of humor."

"MY NAME IS NOT JETHRO!"

"So what is it?"

"If I tell you, will you shut the fuck up and quit harassing me?"

"I'm not harassing you; I'm merely trying to get to know you."

"Why do you want to get to know me? We are nothing alike. I have a mission, a goal and I determined to reach it. I am going to finish the academy, graduate, go to work for the department and eventually make rank. You? You might make it, you might not. Either way, you will end up in some office where they keep the science geeks. We are just stuck together for the time being."

"I don't have anybody else."

"What?"

"I don't know anyone, I don't have anyone else. I just needed a friend."

With that, the light seemed to go out of his eyes and he looked dejected and like he truly was alone in the world. I could see the barber's daughter glaring at me from inside the barber shop and I felt as bad as he looked.

"Jasper, my name is Jasper."

"Are you fucking kidding? Really? Well, what about your middle name?"

"Monroe"

He laughed so hard he actually snorted as I stood there fuming, wondering if I could drive him far enough into the desert so that he wouldn't be found.

"It's an old family name, passed down through the men."

"Couldn't they have passed down money or a house or something else? Holy Shit! I'm sorry."

"Don't push it, Cullen."

"Okay…Jasper Monroe. Holy Shit! You don't even have the fall back of a middle name to save your ass. I'm soo sorry!"

He broke into gales of laughter as he got into the truck, rubbing his now mostly bald head.

"Was this hideous mess of a haircut really necessary or were you just messing with me because you knew I was going to laugh at your name?"

"Well Cullen, my daddy always said, 'the best way to fix a broken thing is to tear it down to its basic frame and rebuild it from the ground up so you know it's done right.' You are going to get a total rebuild starting with the haircut. Next thing we are going to have to fix is your uniform. You can't be showing up to class looking like you crawled out of a laundry bag. Do you have any black boots, khaki pants or anything close to what the uniform is?"

"God I hope not! Why would I have owned any of that before, I do have some taste and hope of getting laid in the next decade or so?"

"Cullen, you need to forget getting laid. The academy needs to be your focus for now. You are a mess and in crap shape. Once we get your shit moved and get you squared away with your housing, we need to get you started on a PT program. You won't have the energy after I am done with you to care about getting laid."

"But Jasper, I thought you said you weren't gay?"

"Cullen, shut the hell up, you know what I meant."

"No, really I didn't, explain it to me. Are you going to work me HARD? Are you really going to give it to me?"

"Cullen…"

"Will there be lots of push up's and squat thrusts? Do tell, Jasper, will we be working up a sweat?"

He was making me smile in spite of myself, because as annoying as he was, he was pretty funny in a juvenile sort of way.

"Jasper, are you smiling? Holy Shit! You ARE! Oh. MY GOD! "

He rolled down the window of the truck and began yelling, "He's smiling! Oh My God people! Jasper MONROE Whitlock is SMILING!"

I wanted to kill him at that point, but I decided it might just be easier to feed him a late breakfast to hopefully shut him up. It didn't really help, he ate a huge amount of food, 2 giant burritos and a bowl of refried beans which I feared I would regret introducing him to later, and he chased it all down with the largest amount of soda I have ever seen an adult male drink in one sitting. He kept up a running dissertation about his computer stuff, most of which went so far over my head that I couldn't, to this day, tell you what the hell he was talking about, but apparently he had been part of a group of college guys who had designed some program that was sold to some company, making a lot of money so he was able to go to college, but while he had gotten a degree, he was too young to really get taken seriously by any company so he hadn't been able to get a job. He had been headed back to Texas to see if his parents would let him come home for a while. He had stopped off in town to visit some friends here in town and decided to stay for a bit. He had just turned 22, and apparently had been pretty much on his own since getting involved in some small town scandal when he was 16.

The academy had come to his attention when one of his roommates had applied and been rejected due to a conviction for some drug arrest. He said had never really given much thought about what he was going to do when he grew up, but he had heard that eventually the FBI and other agencies would all be linked and sharing information over a huge network of computers that would link the entire world and share information almost instantly, and he thought it would be a good idea to be someplace where he could be in on that, considering the program he had helped to develop was along those same lines.

I thought it all sounded like Big Brother kind of stuff, but I let him ramble on about himself because it meant for once he wasn't hassling me.

"So, this was my room."

He pointed to a grimy couch that was piled with what looked like a week or two worth of dirty laundry and pizza boxes. His apartment looked like some of the crime scenes I had been on when I was a volunteer with the department before I got accepted to the academy. The carpet was sticky, and there were beer cans, food boxes and just general filth all over the place.

"Have a seat, Ill grab my bag and pack up my stuff. It should take me too long, I don't have too much."

"I'm not going to sit anywhere in here, how about you point me in the direction of some of your stuff and I will help you pack it up?"

"Actually, this is pretty much it."

He held up a black trash bag that held God knows what and shrugged. "I really haven't bothered to do much shopping lately."

"Good God, Cullen! Do you have any money at least?"

"Yeah, money I have plenty of, why?"

"Because apparently we are going to have to pretty much not only rebuild from the frame out, we are going to have to replace as well."

We spent the rest of the day hunting for him clothes and things to outfit him for the academy, including underwear, which I insisted on.

"So, what do you think? Boxers, briefs, or would you prefer these newfangled boxer-briefs, I can tell you that they are all the rage out in L.A. and they really show off the package while giving you the coverage of boxers. C'mon Jasper, I will even buy you a pack of them! Ill just bet there are some boys sizes around here somewhere!"

"Stuff it, Cullen."

"I don't really think I need to, I mean, come on! I saw you looking; you know that no stuffing of my briefs is necessary." He pulled the front of his jeans out and looked down at his package as shoppers were walking past. "It's not anything that needs any help being more impressive."

"Cullen! Stop it! People are looking."

"Really? Cool! I had thought about being an actor, but I thought maybe I was too tall. Maybe I should do porn? You wanna just leave here and go do porn, Jasper?"

"Cullen."

"Jasper Monroe Whitlock?"

"It's time to go."

"Can we get something else to eat? Its supper time and I am starving."

"You have got to be kidding! You had that huge late breakfast and then you have been snacking all day long, how in the hell could you be hungry?"

"Uhh…I'm a growing boy?"

"Fine, I guess we will stop for something. But you have to have something healthy this time, try a salad or something with some vegetables in it."

"Eww! What the hell is wrong with you, how about a pizza and some beer?"

"No beer, you are officially in training now and that beer gut you have needs to go. I can't be dragging you around the PT course. You are going to have to learn a new way of eating and living, and I will be teaching it to you, because it's pretty obvious that you are barely house-broken."

"I'm housebroken; I promise I haven't piddled on the rug in years."

"Yeah? Well, you haven't been through training like I am going to put your through, either. If you don't piddle on the rug after the first month, then I will treat you to a pizza then."

'Ohh! You promise? Yummy! I will make sure if there is any piddling, I miss the rug."

"Cullen! Get off of me! Dudes don't hug dudes around here! Cut it out!"

"Aww c'mon Jasper, you know you like it. You show me your way of life, and I will show you mine."

How was I to know that my way of life would be the one to win, and I would live to regret it?


	4. Chapter 4

He even slept messily. I don't know how he managed to do it with so little stuff, but what he did have was scattered all over the room, including on my bed. He had wolfed down a huge steak, two baked potatoes, most of the bread the waiter had brought, and the, "All you can eat Salad Bar" had lived to regret its name, before he dropped his newly purchased gear around the room and then collapsed on the floor moaning about being, "Stuffed". It wasn't 5 minutes later he was snoring in a messy heap in the middle of the floor.

"Cullen, wake up."

"Huh? What? Why?"

"Get up and stow your shit. You need to get organized."

"I'll do it tomorrow, I sleep now."

"Cullen, get up and get busy. You just had a huge meal, if you go to sleep now it's just going to go to fat, now get up and get busy. After we get you squared away we are going for a walk to check out the track and training facilities."

"Are you fucking kidding me, it's got to be like, dark and shit out there Jasper!"

"Don't be scared lil Eddie, I will protect you, now get your ass up."

"Fine! I'm putting my stuff away!"

He clambered up off the floor, and began dumping his purchases out on his bed, and then stomping back and forth, cramming his new clothes into the built in dresser, and tossing his other things into the top of the closet.

"No! Cullen, if you leave them like that, they will look like shit by inspection time. Hang up the pants and shirts. Did no one ever teach you how to take care of your stuff?"

"NO! I never had to worry about any of this shit before. I usually just throw my jeans and stuff in the drawer and go from there."

Oh Jesus. He really wasn't housebroken.

"Cullen, were you a rich kid?"

'What makes you think that?"

"Well, because most poor kids know how to take care of their shit and themselves, and at least have a clue. You don't seem to have much of a clue about anything."

"We did okay."

Fuck me running, a rich kid. Just what I needed to get saddled with, some spoiled punk who was trying to prove something to himself or his daddy and when it got hard, he would probably cut and run, leaving me to clean up the mess without a second thought.

"Cullen, why don't you just go home? I mean, obviously you aren't cut out for this kind of life, it's not going to be easy and nobody is going to give you anything, it's hard, dirty work to be a cop and getting there is not just something a spoiled, rich kid can buy himself into. The director wasn't joking, if you fuck this up, they will boot both of us out and I really want this, I have wanted to be a cop my whole damn life and this is my one chance, I don't need some trust fund brat fucking it up for me, so just run along on home and tell daddy you will be a good boy and I just bet he will buy you a new life."

"No, he won't and I can't go home until I prove I am man enough to deserve to go home. I'm the family fuck up, and I need to prove to them that I can do something right for once in my life, okay? I've never really done anything but embarrass them, I didn't study what I was supposed to study in college, I don't want to go into the family business, so I have been nothing but a pain in the ass to them. I'm trying to fix that."

"Cullen, do they know you are gay?"

"Not my parents. I have an older sister who suspects, but she wouldn't tell because she's always had my back. My father just thought I was, "Soft" and a "Sissy", because I hated playing sports and going hunting. He sent me off to boarding school pretty quick when I didn't fall into line and I kept butting heads with him. Hanging out with the local, "Queer boy" got my ass shipped out pretty quick and I just decided to stay gone."

"Have you tried talking to them since you left, maybe called them and let them know how well you did with your computer stuff and all that?"

"Nah, I talked to my sis and she told me that they had pretty much just pretended I never existed."

Fuck.

"So why be a cop? Why not the military or something else? You have gone into the Navy or Air Force if you wanted to prove yourself; I hear they are easier to get along in for gay guys."

"I don't really think I would really be able to handle that kind of life, man. You have spent less than 3 days with me and you want to kill me half the time, could you imagine what those military dudes would want to do to me? I don't think I would do really well. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut."

"You are probably right. Look, Cullen, if you are serious about this I can try to help you, but if you are just trying this out on a lark, you will end up not only fucking yourself over, but me as well; do you want that on your conscience? You seem like a decent enough guy, and I don't think you would want that, would you? Are you willing to try hard and trust me to steer you right? I have lived the life that they expect you to live for the next 9 months and I know how to talk the talk and walk the walk, if you trust me, I can get you into shape and through this so that we both get what we want, but it won't be easy, you will have to work hard."

"I know how to work hard, trust me, I'm all about hard."

He winked at me and leered, the Cullen that had momentarily vanished resurfacing in full force.

"Cullen, you gotta stop that. You can't let on you are gay at all, it's just not going to help you get anywhere with this department. This isn't California, and in case you didn't notice, this academy is mostly Marines and I am willing to bet, none of the other cadets are gay. You have got to keep your personal life to yourself and not let on that you are anything other than a pussy loving, born hard, bleed khaki, born for the badge, man, do you read me?"

"But…"

"There are no, 'Buts' about it Cullen, that shit won't fly, I am telling you, I saw guys get the crap beat out of them and run out of the Corp for being gay, it just does not happen, and I can promise you, it won't get you anywhere with this academy or the department. You are going to have to pass for straight and keep your personal life to yourself."

"No dating or sex for NINE MONTHS?"

"Have you ever met Rosy Palm?"

"Oh, Come On Jasper! Surely there are places I could go and get out? I'm a young guy; you can't expect me to not get laid for nine whole months!"

"I'm just telling you Ed, if you are outed, it would be bad for you, and now that we are roommates, it will be bad for me too, you have to tone it down and just keep your private life, private."

"What about you, Jasper?"

"What do you mean, Me?"

"What have you done? Have you ever had someone, ever dated? What did you do? How have you managed?"

"I haven't had the time. When I was younger I was busy helping support my family and I didn't have time to date or even be interested, and then I joined the Marines and go sent to Iraq, so I really didn't have much time or opportunity. After I got hurt, it was the last thing on my mind."

"Jasper, are you saying you are a virgin?"

"What does that matter? I was raised to believe that a person should wait until they are married to have sex, I mean, it's not something I think you should just do with anyone."

"Oh my God! You are a VIRGIN? How old are you?"

"Cullen, it's not a big deal, I'm 26. It's not like I'm going to expire or anything."

"Holy shit! You have never been laid? At least tell me you have kissed someone?"

"Cullen! you are getting off the subject. You need to get your gear stowed and we need to be out walking some of that pudge off your gut. Now let's get this done. Come on, I'm going to show you how to fold your unders and lace your boots properly, and then you need to make that boars nest of a bed of yours."

It took a good hour, especially since he kept stopping and trying to interrogate me further about my virginity, but I finally got him to stow all his crap and then dress out into his new PT gear so we could go and walk off his dinner and acquaint him with the PT program I was designing for him.

"Oh my God! How much further are we going to walk? It's hot out here and I was already tired before we started!"

"Cullen, pretty soon I am going to have you running 5 miles a day and training like a Marine, you won't even recognize yourself at the end of this academy, and trust me, getting laid will be the last thing on your mind, now stop your whining and pick up your feet, we are headed back to the dorm, you will be able to shower and hit the rack, but expect to roll out at 0500 hours for PT and a normal breakfast before we meet with our advisor at the department to get our equipment."

"Oh fuck me! This is crazy!"

"Come on, Cullen. This was just a warm up walk. You can do this. Just find your motivation and get hard."

"Jasper, you have to quit telling me to get hard. I thought you said I was supposed to not think about sex?"

He whined the entire way back to the dorm. We had walked at a fast pace less than 2 miles, and he was sweating and puffing as if he had run and 10 mile marathon. Getting him into shape was going to be an extended effort because it was painfully obvious he had done nothing but sit around and eat and work on computers for a long time. When we went into the showers he grumbled about not needing the shampoo he had bought during our shopping excursion. I quickly handled my business, leaving him soaking under the spray and grumbling about being exhausted and sore.

He finally came wandering into the room about 20 minutes later in a better mood, and he grinned at me.

"Thanks for the motivation, I feel much better now."

"What motivation, I just took you for a walk."

"Oh no, you did much more than that. Thanks."

He gave me that beaming, perverse grin of his and climbed into his bed.

"Thanks so much, I know I will sleep great."

"Son of a bitch, Cullen don't you be perving on me you weirdo!"

"Hey Jasper, any port in a storm, dude, any port in a storm. Good night and uh…sleep tight."

His deep laugh echoed around the small room and he wrapped up in his new bedding, rolled over and was soon snoring soundly. It took me a while longer to fall asleep and I realized it was because he has caused me to start thinking. I had never let myself feel anything for anyone. I had resisted personal connections or affection, partially because I wasn't used to affection, being raised in a cold and distant family that regarded me as mearly the extra son who was supposed to work and provide as much as he could in support for the rest. Cullen was shaking up my world as much as I was shaking up his, and I wasn't quite sure if I liked it.

"

"


	5. Chapter 5

"Cullen! Wake up!"

I swear I had spoken to him half a dozen times, thrown a shoe at him and kicked the end of his bunk, but all he had done was roll over and snore louder. It was like he was drugged or in hibernation. I hated to have to get too close to him, especially knowing how some of my peers from the Marines reacted to someone touching them when they were asleep, but we needed to get out and get started on our day, which included beginning a PT program for him and then meeting with our advisor, we didn't have time for him to sleep in til noon and then drag ass around half the day. I had no choice, reaching over to where I could see shoulder, and went to shake him awake.

I was not expecting to be grabbed. He was not asleep at all, he had been playing possum, waiting for me to get frustrated and attempt to shake him awake.

"HAHA! GOTCHA NOW!"

I don't know how he managed to do it so fast, maybe because I was half awake myself, waiting for my coffee to finish brewing in the pot while I made my rack and got out my PT clothes, but he grabbed me in a bear hug, pulled me onto his bed and had me tangled in his blankets and proned out on his bed before I could even cuss.

"Cullen! Get the hell off of me and let me up! We don't have time for this crap this morning."

"Time for what crap, Jasper, maybe time for me to get the better of you, I think you need to say uncle and admit a civilian just kicked your ass."

I began to try and buck him off of me, but once again he was going with the disgusting blanket method of restraint, and coupled with being wrapped up in his bedding, I was hopelessly pinned down and tangled up, and incapable of getting away from him, but it didn't prevent me from trying everything I had at my disposal.

"Cullen, if you don't let me up, when I do get loose from here, I am going to do such foul things to you that you will think the things we learn in Serial crimes class will be a joke."

"You don't scare me, Jasper. I think I've caught me a leprechaun! Should I go looking for your gold? Where do you keep your gold, Jasper?"

He breathed that last comment in my ear with an evil giggle, causing goose bumps to raise up all over my body, and it was then I realized that while he seemed like a decent enough guy, I really didn't know that much about him, and he was much bigger than me and very capable of doing any damn thing he wanted at any time, and it would be my word against his.

"Ed, let me up!" I tried bucking against him again and he just pinned me more fully against his bed, laughing at my efforts.

"See? I might be out of shape, but I can still beat you, can't I? Hmm…now that I have my leprechaun, what am I going to do to you?"

I knew he was enjoying his brief win a little too much, so I decided to show him the cost of underestimating his enemy's cunning. I began gasping and hyperventilating, bucking against him, acting as if I were panicking and freaking out, and then abruptly I went limp, completely and totally limp.

"Jasper? Are you okay? Nice try buddy, but I'm not falling for it."

I didn't give up, going with my last line of defense, knowing that our PT session was going to get delayed by a day of doing laundry, but I was a win at any costs kind of fighter, and Cullen was going to realize that as soon as he felt the warmth seeping into his blanket.

"What the hell? Jasper? Jasper! Are you okay? Hey! Oh FUCK!"

Staying totally limp was hard as he began to realize just what had happened. I was battling hard to not laugh as he leapt off of me and began to freak out, frantically unrolling the wet blanket off of me and pulling my limp body off the bed.

"Jasper! JASPER! WAKE UP! OH FUCK!"

He was panicking and slapping at my face, shaking me and trying to get me to show some sign of life, with no result. He was naked himself and freaking out alternately shaking me and slapping my face, and then telling me to quit faking. After a few moments he seemed to reach a decision and scooping me up and heading for the door.

I had no idea what he had in mind, he was buck ass naked, freaking out and carrying me like a sack of laundry. I figured he was going to head for the front desk and call for help, before which I fully intended to, "Wake Up" and be fine, but to my surprise he turned towards the shower room and slammed through the door, and hefting me in front of him, he turned on the shower and stood us under the icy cold blast.

"Akk! What the fuck! Let me go! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You wouldn't wake up! Dude! Soo not cool! You pissed yourself you were out soo hard!"

'Really? Huh. You can let me go now."

"Are you sure? Jeesh man! I was scared I had hurt you or something, you are such a little thing and well, I am …not, and I thought maybe I had squashed you or something."

As he let me go, I made sure of my footing and then grabbing his wrist, I put him in a joint lock and acting quickly, I managed to spin him around and pin him over the low wall of the shower stall with his arm torqued up behind his back.

"Hey! What the hell? Let me go!"

"Cullen, never underestimate the lengths an opponent will go to in order to extricate themselves from a bad situation. Playing possum is just the tip of the ice berg of things that scrotes will do to get one over on you. Never fall for it and always take precautions, and never, ever grab me like that again."

"YOU WERE FAKING?OH MY GOD! MAN! You Pissed on my bed!"

He wiggled, trying to get loose from the hold I had on him, and since I was in the top position for once, I rubbed against him, which caused him to immediately freeze in shock.

"Never assume that just because I am a virgin that I am also a bitch. You have wasted a day of training for us and that is going to cost you. Get yourself squared away, get dressed and get ready for chow. We have a meeting with our advisor at 0900 and I want you to look like you actually belong in the damn academy."

"Holy Shit, Jasper! DO that again! I may need a moment or two before I can get dressed."

I reached over and made sure the water of the shower was on full cold and shoved him under it as I went out the door to get him a towel so he could return to the room without flashing the dorm again.

"Do what you gotta do Cullen and do it quick, we have business to tend to today and it doesn't involve your dick."

"You would be amazed what my dick can bring to things though, Jasper, just amazed!"

I left him there under the water as I grabbed towels and soap so he could finish up his shower and get ready to start the day properly. I was shocked to find him actually stoking himself as I walked back into the shower room, and almost as if I was caught in a spell, I found myself watching his hand and it worked his erect dick over under the spray. He went about it in a very languid and lazy manner, his other hand casually playing with his balls as he leaned back against the low wall of the shower, his head thrown back, seeming to ignore what was going on in the room.

I set the towels down and walked over to the other empty stall, trying to ignore Cullen, who continued his activity, seeming to ignore me as well, and I started my own shower, and though my mind was trying to ignore the grunts of Cullen as he continued to work himself over my body was responding in unexpected ways.

I hurriedly washed myself,still trying to ignore Cullen as his grunts became more pronounced, but I found myself almost hypnotized and as he became louder, and the grunts more guttural, finally ending when he slumped against the wall as if he were about to fall asleep standing up.

"Can I borrow a squirt?" He grinned at me as I stood there, shocked beyond words, as he looked down at me and smirked. I didn't know what to say other than to nod at him.

"Soo, about that whole, "Win at any costs thing, do you think I might have that whole distraction thing down, because you seem to be just a little uh…distracted at the moment, and I am willing to bet I could win a round against ya."

Holy hell! As he sauntered out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around waist he grinned back at me.

"Don't take too long, I hear tell we have a busy day ahead of us and we have to wash my bedding now too."

Fifteen minutes later I was finally able to return to the room, to find him with his bedding bundled up near the door, with the rest of his gear put neatly away and the room put back to rights.

" Took ya long enough. Are we going to have time to get some breakfast? I'm starving and I am willing to be you are too."

"Stifle it Cullen!

I didn't know what to think, I had walked in on that kind of activity before, after all, living in a barracks left no privacy for it and you either lost your inhibition and just went about it in a matter of fact manner to relieve stress, or you became one of the frustrated stress cases who had to listen to it every night. I was no prude, but actually finding myself watching Cullen had left me feeling conflicted.

The meeting with our advisor took half the day, as we both still had paperwork to complete and the advisor seemed surprised to see Cullen looking more like a cadet and less like a civilian.

"Cullen? Well, it seems like I made a good decision assigning you with Whitlock. He will get you dialed in pretty quick I am willing to bet. Just listen to him and he will get you squared away about policy and procedure and if you have any questions about something he can't help you with, you have my office number. You are expected to meet standards for not only the academy, but for the department as well, and if you pass all requirements by mid-term, you will have limited certification and be able to begin picking of reserve deputy shifts and helping out with special details. Keep your nose clean, get your ass in shape and lose the beer gut, and you will be fine."

"Okay. Uh, sir? So, is there like time off or anything to take a vacation or Spring Break during this, because I noticed the schedule for the rest of the college has a Spring Break set aside, but it's not clear for on our schedule."

I wanted to laugh, but I knew he was serious. He really didn't grasp the fact he had signed on to what was tantamount to basic training. We didn't get a Spring Break; in fact we would be lucky to get a couple of days off for Christmas,

The advisor leaned back in his chair and looked at Cullen, "Why are you worried about Spring Break, do you have plans? Maybe go over to San Diego and chase beach bunnies, get drunk off your ass and go down to TJ and give the Federales a hard time?

"Well, usually I go to the beach and have a little fun…"

"Oh you will be at the beach, son. I will make sure of that. You will get to spend plenty of time every single day of Spring Break at the beach, the only problem is, our beach aint got an ocean. Now get the hell out of my office."

"Holy Crap! What crawled up his ass, Jasper?"

"I tried to tell you, Cullen, You have signed on to a different world. You are no longer the Spring Breaker raising hell in some town having a great time giving the local cops a hard time; you are the local cop trying to keep the drunken idiots from killing themselves and your local population, you probably just guaranteed us a shit detail of working the front line for clearing out the bars, if you survive the Beach."

"What the hell is the beach, Jasper? We are in the middle of the desert, all around us is beach!"

"Oh, this part is special, Cullen, and you will learn to hate it. Let's go stow our gear and grab some lunch. I'll show you the beach this evening when the heat lets off a little bit. We have laundry to do."

We spent the rest of the afternoon getting laundry done and the room cleaned up, and after everything was put away and sorted out, we went to an early dinner. Trying to get him on a reasonable and healthy diet was the toughest of the challenges so far. He ate a huge amount of food and seemed to have no concept of what was actually good for him, versus what was just more food to shove into his maw.

"If you keep eating that much food, they are going to ban us from there and then we are going to have to start eating in the school cafeteria, and I can promise you that you don't want to do that"

"Jasper, they advertise as an, "All you can eat" buffet. You don't eat enough to keep a bird alive; I am just making sure we are getting our money's worth. You need to eat more so maybe you will grow into a full sized man."

"I thought we have already ascertained that I am, indeed, a full-sized man where I need to be? Now ease off on the desert and let's head to the beach. I'm not going to have you run it because I don't need you puking up all the mess you just ate, but I want you to get an idea of what you will be facing every day for the next 9 months."

"Hey, as long as I can work on my tan, I guess I will be able to get used to anything, right Jasper?"

"We will see, Cullen, we will see."


	6. Chapter 6

"What the hell is this place?"

"I'd say hell is a pretty good description for what you will be calling it in a day or two."

"So why are we here? It's just a big ass pile of sand, what are we supposed to do with it?"

"You run up and down it, Cullen, over and over again. Why don't you give it a try?"

"You are joking, right? That's stupid! What the hell good would that do anybody?"  
>"It builds your endurance and your cardio and its punishment for fucking up and pissing people off. I have a feeling you will be seeing a lot of this place."<p>

"Oh fuuuuck."

"I think fucking will be the last thing on your mind after a few days of this place. Give it a try, Cullen. Run up to the top and then back down as fast as you can."

"Race me?"

"You want me to race you? Are you sure of that? I don't want to make you feel bad."

"Oh, I doubt you will make me feel bad. My legs are waay longer than those little bowlegged stubs of yours. I don't think I will have any problem showing you who the boss is, in any situation."

He leered at me again and I knew I wasn't going to cut him any damn slack, no matter how badly he cried.

"Okay, here is the deal, there is a chain link fence at the very top of the mound, you reach the top, touch the fence and then back down. First one to our water bottles is the winner. Deal?"

'Deal. But let's make it worth something…what do you want to bet I beat you?"

"I don't know, Cullen, what do you want?"

I knew before I said those words that I was going to regret them, but I had no intention of losing the race, either.

"I want you."

"Say what?"

"I want you."

"Uhh…No. Cullen, you can't have me. I'm not some piece of meat."

"AhHA! So you admit I am physically superior and will probably defeat you in this race. That's okay Jasper, you can say it. I am the superior male specimen. "

" Cullen, I will beat your ass, but I am not putting my ass on the line to do it."

"Okay, hand job then. If I beat you, then you beat mine."

"You are a sick, sick, man Cullen."

"You aren't saying no."

"Fine, because I know I am not going to lose. I'm telling you though, when I win, you wear underwear or pajamas to bed from now on."

"Fine, but you will miss my magnificent manly bits and you know it Jasper, so I will have to protect you from that loss and beat you soundly."

"You are such a freak Cullen. On your mark, Get set, GO!"

He took the lead pretty readily, but then the reality of just how deep and loose the sand was started to hit him, and he had no idea how to maneuver in the sand, whereas I had plenty of experience moving in deep sand, and I had been out running the beach for several weeks to get prepared for the PT regimen of the academy. I caught him just as he crested the top of the hill, and as he paused at the top, gasping for air and covered in sweat and sand, he glared at me as I grinned at him and lunged towards the fence and then swiftly turned and headed back down the hill.

I heard him roar behind me and the next thing I knew, I felt and meaty paw grab my shoulder and shove me down on my ass as Cullen attempted to vault past me, using me as a half-assed cane to help get him on his way down. I grabbed the back of his shirt and we tangled up, rolling down the hill, until we were almost to the bottom. Cullen ended up on top and shoved my face into the sand and bounded up, laughing manically as he lunged for the water bottles, and after kicking them both, he began dancing like a deranged chimp, hooting and pounding his chest, leering at me as if he expected me to give him his prize right there.

"You cheated."

"Oh come on Jasper! You told me that it's a win at any cost kinda world and I just did, are you being a sore loser?"

"Cullen! You cheated!"

"No I didn't. I simply used whatever means necessary to win. I beat you, and now you get to beat me."

He grinned toothily and waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively, stepping towards me with sand falling off of him as I backed away.

"Are you crazy? I'm not jerking you off out here! This is a public place; anyone could come by and see. I'm going back to quarters and getting some of the sand off of me. It's getting late and you are getting your ass up at a reasonable hour for PT, so I suggest you hit the rack pretty quick."

"Oh I intend to, Jasper, I intend to. I know just the thing to put me right to sleep. Wanna give me a hand?"

"Stifle it, Cullen! I don't know what your deal is with wanting to piss me off, you must be a masochist or something, but don't drag me into your freakiness, I don't have time for it."

"Oh as much as this intrigues me, I'll bet I can help you find some time for it. I'll teach you how to become the master of time management when it comes to working in a little stress relief."

I just glared at him, grabbed up my water bottle and headed back towards the dorm, ignoring his comments as we walked along, or at least trying to. He kept peppering me with questions about my personal life and reasons for lack of experience. I had never really talked about my personal life with anyone before and I didn't expect to be talking with some kid about it just as we were beginning a difficult and mentally trying venture together, but we were going to be living in close quarters for nearly a year, and slowly I began to realize that maybe he was someone I could finally speak to about all the things that I had kept quiet and confined for my entire life.

"C'mon Jasper, really? Why? You aren't a bad looking guy. A little on the short side, and you are kinda pretty for someone who fancies himself a top, but I'll bet you would have no problem finding someone to take care of business for you, why don't you put yourself out there?"

"Like I explained before, I haven't really had the time. Now that I'm all scarred up, I don't really meet the ideal type for what most people are looking for on a good day, and now with all my jagged scars, nobody is going to want to mess with me, they all want the big, strong, athletic guys with perfect bodies and no issues, and I'm not that. Now that I'm in the academy and going into a line of work where it's just best to be as much of, "One of the guys" as I can be, I just don't think it's worth it to even try. I've lived this long alone, why change things now?"

"Sex! Duuude! Sex! Mother of God! If you think your left hand feels good, then just wait until its somebody else's hand or just even better! I could teach you things that would blow your mind. Trust me; you are gonna like losing this bet."

"Cullen, what has you so damn convinced I am gay? I am not sure what I am myself and it's a little weird that you are so convinced I am queer when I don't even know myself."

"I have perfectly tuned gaydar and yours set mine to pinging so hard when I met you that I knew before you even spoke to me."

"Whatever Cullen, I don't buy it. Just act normal will you? Please? If you keep acting weird out in public, people are going to suspect something and then we are going to have problems. You have got to act more like me and less…flamboyant or whatever and when class starts tomorrow morning, you have got to be hardcore and serious. Don't act different or be a smartass at all, because if you do, you will just make life hard for both of us."

"Hard can be good."

"Dammit Ed! You know what I mean."

"You called me Ed! Does that mean you like me? Hmmm?"

He draped himself around me, shaking sand out of his shirt down the back of my neck and rubbing it into the sweat that was stickily cooling between my shoulders.

"Not cool! Dammit! That shit gets everywhere and is almost impossible to get rid of! Make sure you shake your clothes out before you go into the room and take your damn shoes off outside and beat them against the building to get rid of all the loose sand. I don't want that crap all over the room."

He grinned at me as he stripped off his shirt at the entry to the dorm and then kicked off his shoes, "Well then Jasper, maybe we should just get naked so you can make sure we get it all off?"

"Shut up Ed, just shut the hell up, its late, we need to get cleaned up and hit the rack. Tomorrow morning comes really early and you are going to find out just what you are dealing with."

He grinned at me like he just fucked the neighbor's cat, and grabbing up his shoes and shirt, he sauntered into the dorm like he owned the place. I had hopes some of that swagger would be taken out of his step tomorrow when he got a taste of what a real PT session was all about, but I sort of doubted it, he seemed like the type who would be able to find his pervy bright side in pretty much any situation.

He behaved himself in the shower, not even making a comment about anything as we rapidly cleaned the sand off and got ready for lights out. I was jumpy as I got my uniform laid out for the start of class. He walked up behind me in the closet as I was getting my boots and I about jumped to the top shelf. That only served to make him smirk and swagger as he grabbed his boots and walked back to his bunk.

"Gee Jasper, what are you so jumpy for? Do you think I'm going to rape you or something?"

"No! Just after you grabbing me like you did this morning, I have no idea what you might have in your mind to get up to trying."

"Oh don't worry, I wouldn't go for anything nearly as obvious as cornering you in the closet and having my wicked way with you, I'll just wait until the suspense gets to you and you are ready to crack."

"Not cool, Cullen. I won't crack though. I lived for a long time in a war zone, never knowing what was coming around the bend or from the sky, and I grew up with sisters, so I don't rattle too easy."

"Yeah, but you haven't lived with me before, so you have no idea the things I might be capable of doing to you after you fall asleep."

"It's not going to work Cullen. You should know that I have been known to react violently to being touched when I am asleep, so if you like all your parts where they are, you might want to keep them to yourself."

"Oh, you sound like you are nervous Jasper, nervous about what? Do you want me to try something?"

He abruptly got up and came stalking towards me across the narrow expanse between our two bunks. I barely had time to lean back before he was looming over me, grinning down at me, his crotch practically in my face.

"As I recall, I think I won a bet? Don't you owe me something?"

"Go to sleep Cullen. If you got your rocks off tonight, you would be absolutely useless tomorrow for PT and I don't want to have to drag your ass around the field."

"But you admit you owe me, right?"

"Whatever gets you to shut up and go to bed Cullen, I'm tired and we have to be up by 0500 hours."

"SWEET! I am soo gonna love collecting on this."

Fuck


	7. Chapter 7

"Cullen, get up off the ground, you can't lie out here the rest of the day."

"I can't get up, my legs aren't working anymore, you are going to have to carry me."

"I can't carry you, you are going to have to get up and move. If you lay there too long your muscles are going to just hurt worse. You are probably dehydrated and you definantly need a shower."

"Where did everybody else go, did they all quit and go home because they realized this is insanity?"

"No Cullen, after they got done laughing at you for puking all over the place, the director released them for the day. We have homework and we still need to get chow. If you don't get up pretty soon, we are going to have to skip supper because it's going to be too late to eat."

"Help me up Jasper. I really don't think I can get up on my own."

"Cullen, you outweigh me by at least 80lbs, you will just pull me down."

"I can't mooove, Jasper! My whole body hurts! I have cramps in my legs and my head and stomach hurt soo bad."

"Ed, you probably have heat cramps. You really need to force yourself to get up and move. Come with me and I'll get you some water and I'll take care of you, but I am not going to carry you."

He rolled onto his side and began retching again, pulling up into the fetal position, and groaning in pain. The water we had brought with us for the afternoon PT session was long gone, and I would have to leave him to go get any more. The rest of the class had left us out on the field after casting more than a few disparaging comments about Cullen's lack of endurance. He had barely managed to make it through the calisthenics, and when the run started, he had begun in the front of the pack, but as it stretched into its second mile, he was dragging at the rear and often walking more than running. He knew nothing about pacing himself and the PT instructor had lead the rest of us through a punishment round of mountain climbers while we waited for Cullen to catch up with the rest of the squad. Once he had arrived, he had been braced by the other Sheriffs cadets and given the choice of matching the punishment we had suffered, or taking a beat down.

I don't know why he didn't quit. Well into our second week of class and he was still dragging ass when it came to PT. I knew it was because he had been so deconditioned compared to the rest of the class and he was trying to catch up, but the other cadets were relentless. Every time we suffered for him slowing us down, they inflicted the same on him and often worse. It just seemed to make him more determined to stick it out and keep trying. I did respect him for that and for the fact his academic work was amazing. He had yet to make below an, "A" on anything, including policy and procedure as well as criminal law. It was weird that the same guys who drove him so hard in the physical aspects of the training and treated him like a punk kid, respected him and sought his advice in the academic areas and he gladly helped them.

He had been too tired after class to bother trying to collect his debt, in fact, some nights he had simply collapsed into his bunk with all his gear on and been snoring before I had even shut the lights off. Those nights I had ended up pulling his boots off of him and making sure he was at least comfortable so he would be fit to report the next morning, after all, I was responsible for him.

Looking down at him, he was a mess. He wasn't sweating anymore and that worried me. He was as red as he could be and when he retched, nothing had come out, it was just dry heaves. He was on his way to heat exhaustion and maybe heat stroke if I didn't get him out of the afternoon sun and into the cool as well as some fluids back in him.

Fuck. I leaned down and slapped his cheek lightly trying to get his attention, "Ed? Can you sit up for me?"

He didn't respond. He just laid there on his side, looking miserable. I had no idea how I was going to pick him up. He was much larger than me and dead weight at this point in the game, but if I left him, he could end up in the hospital in worse shape. I grabbed his wrist and heaved him into sitting position, and then I leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Ed, if you get up and let me get you back to the dorm, I will settle up with you on that bet."

His eyes snapped open and he stared at me in surprise. "Really?"

His voice was weak and barely above a whisper, but the excitement in it was palpable.

"Yeah, you perv, I will pay up once I get you into the shower and get you cooled down a little. Your body temperature is too high right now and you are dehydrated. We need to get you out of the sun, so you need to help me get you there, okay?"

He swallowed, blinked, and gave me a weak grin that was classic Cullen, "Cool! Shower sex is the best!" as he began trying to clamber to his feet.

It was a long journey back to the dorm with him half hanging on me, half stumbling all over the place as we walked back. He didn't say two words, but he stopped to retch a few more times and groan, but when it looked like he was going to stop and sink back to the ground, I ran my hand over his crotch, shocking both him and me.

We didn't even bother to stop at the front doors to kick off shoes to get rid of any sand; I got him through the doors and into the cool of the commons area as the RA behind the desk looked at us like we were refugees from some battle.

"Rough day at PT again, Whitlock?"

"Yeah, he's a little worse off than last time, but I think I have it handled."

"Okay, just yell if you need any help with him, you look like an ant trying to move a sandwich on your own."

"Ha Ha! Real funny."

"Just calling it as I see it, Jay, Just calling it as I see it. I'm outta here for the evening in about 10, so try not to kill in before then, okay?"

"Not a problem, Mike, have a good evening."

Cullen was leaning heavily on me at that point, glaring balefully at the RA and I was afraid he was going to say something if I didn't get him on down the hall to our room, so I got him turned and moving before he could gather his thoughts.

Once I got him in the room, he slumped heavily on his bunk and moaned as I quickly got a Gatorade from our fridge and mixed it with some room temperature water so that it wasn't freezing cold. "Ed, you need to sip some of this to get fluid back in you. Don't gulp it, sip it and swish it around in your mouth."

As he slowly started working on that, I started gathering up our shower gear and getting him ready to head to the shower room. Being it was Friday; the dorm was mostly deserted as many of the civilian students went out on the town or home to family for the weekend, leaving us with relative peace and quiet.

"Come on, Ed. You need to get up again and let's get to the shower room. Bring your drink, okay? You need to keep drinking that."

He slowly regained his feet and slumped after me as I headed to the shower room. I wasn't sure if he remembered what I had promised him until we reached the shower room door and he said, "Shower sex is the best" as he chuckled softly in my ear.

I shuddered as his breath raised goose bumps all over me, and sighing resignedly, I started the water in the stall, setting it to tepid so he would be able to cool down without shocking his system.

"C'mon Ed, let's get you under the water so you can cool off a little before we go worrying about that, okay?"

"Suure…whatever, but you promised!" I helped him pull his clothes off and then guided him under the water where I made sure it was hitting the back of his neck and his head to cool him down the quickest. He sighed in relief and leaned against the low wall as I stepped back and went to the door of the shower room and locked it, ensuring that we wouldn't have any company to see what I was about to do because even though I wasn't sure I was gay, I was sure I was a man of my word.

"Alright Ed, how are you feeling?"

He raised his head up and looked at me wearily, but still with an attempt at a pervy grin so I knew he was doing better already.

"You are naked Jasper; you are naked and standing near me. Have I died and gone to heaven, because I think there may have been a mix up somewhere if that is the case."

"No, you aren't dead. I gave you my word and I guess I am going to keep it. How do you want me to do this?"

"You weren't just telling me what I wanted to hear to get me to walk? You really are going to pay the debt, Jasper?"

"Ed, I gave my word and my word is pretty much all I have, so I guess I am pretty much bound to do this for you."

"Oh wow…really?

"Come on, Ed! Don't make this anymore awkward for me than it already is, please? I'm about half ready to run for the hills, but I gave you my word, so I will do this for you."

"Jasper, if you trust me, it can be for you too. I promise you will like it just as much as I will."

"I don't know, Ed, I just…"

He reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled me to him gently, running his hand over my cheek and down my jaw until he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and angled my face so I had to look up at him.

"Trust me."

I couldn't do anything at that point except nod at him. I was tense and nervous, and determined all at once, and I honestly didn't know what I wanted or what I was expecting him to do, but when he tilted my chin up and bent down and kissed me, my brain shut down and my body took over.

He didn't take the kiss too deep, but it was enough to set every nerve ending in my body on fire and leave me gasping as he reached over and turned the water to warmer and pulled me under it with him.

'I'm going to touch you first Jasper, just relax and enjoy it."

The sound of his voice rumbling in my ear distracted me from the soft yet persistent touches that he had continued to trail up and down my side as he had been kissing me had served to make me as harder than I had ever been in my life. My head felt too heavy on my neck and before I realized it, my head was resting on his chest as he continued to slowly stroke up and down my sides and then interlacing his fingers with mine, he took the soap and coated our hands and then gently and slowly he closed our hands around my hard and twitching cock.

The sound that came out of me seemed to come from my soul, and I almost forgot to breathe as he gently stroked up and down, guided by my hand. He took my other hand and guided it to his erect dick and for the first time in my life, I touched another man.

He groaned lowly and for a moment the movement of his hand on me, stopped, but then he started back up in earnest, and soon my knees were shaking as I began to realize I was approaching orgasm.

I increased my ministrations on his cock, mimicking what he was doing to me, and as I heard him begin to grunt and felt him thrust into my hand, I knew he was getting close. He pulled me tighter to him and began thrusting against me as we both approached our peak, and then with mutual grunts, exploded all over each other's hands and abdomens.

The wave of pleasure that washed through along with the emotion that washed through me, caused my knees to buckle and I nearly went to my knees, but to my surprise Cullen caught me and held me against him without and smart aleck comments.

"Thank you, Jasper. It's good to know one person in this world who keeps their word even when they don't want to."

"Ed, I will always keep my word, count on it."


	8. Chapter 8

We didn't talk after we left the shower. We were both drained and seemingly at a loss for words. Cullen was still sipping at the Gatorade mixture I had given him and trying to rebuild his depleted electrolytes and I was just mentally and emotionally exhausted so I collapsed into my bunk, wrapped up in my bedding and went to sleep.

We had the weekend off so there was no reason to worry about getting up early other than it was my habit to always get up early. I was surprised to see Cullen was awake and looking at me as I moved around the room quietly gathering up my running gear to go out for my morning run.

"Can I go with you?"

"Are you sure you are up to it, Ed? You were in pretty rough shape yesterday."

"Yeah, I'm not going to improve any faster if I skip training. If I start feeling bad Ill slow down and walk for a bit."

"Sure Ed, you are welcome to come with me. I was going to run to Rincons and pick up breakfast burritos and then back, so if you can't make it the whole way, at least you will have food on the way back to keep up with that appetite of yours."

"Uh, Jasper…you do know that is like a five mile run, don't you?"

"Yeah Ed, I'm keeping it light today so I can get back and do some studying for the tests we have coming up on Monday on civil law."

"Are you worried about how you will do on the test, Jasper? If you are, I can help you. I have developed a few mnemonics for the other guys to use that seem to help them memorize statutes and things."

"That would be great because I just can't seem to get the cases to stay in my head, so anything you have to help with that would be appreciated. Come on, get on up and let's get moving before that sun gets much higher. I'm carrying my Camelbak with water in it and you will be drinking, so hopefully I won't have to carry you back home."

"I bet you I can make the run with you and you won't have to carry me anywhere Jasper."

"What? Riiiight! What's your game Cullen? You know you can't make that kind of run and if you think by losing, you will get a repeat of yesterday then you need to think again."

"Nope, I'm saying I'm betting you I can make it. I feel confident."

"Uh huh…whatever, so what are your terms?

"If I make the run, then you give me what I want."

"What? You are crazy Cullen! Knowing you, that could be anything!"

"How about I promise it will take place in this room and no one will know about it but us. But, on another note, thank you for the vote of confidence."

He beamed at me, thinking he had won once again. He shouldn't even be attempting such a thing as a 5 mile run after having heat cramps the day before and I had no doubt he would be curled up on the side of the road, puking his guts up again, waiting for me to go get help, but I have to admit, I was intrigued as well. I didn't hate what had happened the before, but I wasn't ready admit that either.

"Whatever Cullen, I will bet with you, because when you are laying on the said of the road puking, I will get to rub your face in it. Once I win, you have to go training with me every time I go training at the gym. That means even on the days the academy has kicked your ass and you think you are tired, you go with me instead of laying in here and sleeping."

"Duude! You are a freak about that stuff though! Nobody works out that much!"

"Ahh, see? I KNEW it! You are all smoke and no fire. I gotta go Cullen."

"Wait! I'm getting my shoes on! It's not fair if you don't give me time to tie my shoes."

"Cullen, put your shirt back on."

"Nope, too fucking hot, you should take yours off before you get too hot too."

"No, I'm not taking my shirt off, Cullen. Nobody wants to see me and I don't want sunburn."

Rincons was in sight and he was keeping up with me. I don't know what had suddenly lit a fire under his ass, but he was actually making the run. He was gasping just a little and he had stripped off his shirt to whine about the heat, (a move he would regret if he didn't put the shirt back on), but he was handling the run and I was getting worried, was I being played?

"So, are we going to eat our breakfast here or are we just going to buy it and carry it back home, because I am starving, Jasper!"

"I was planning on buying it and carrying it home. It's not usually a great idea to eat a heavy meal and then run on it, that's a good way to puke it all back up, as you should well know Ed."

"Yeah, I guess you are right. Hey. Can I have a drink out of the Camelbak, I'm feeling a little parched."

"Yeah Ed, we are almost to Rincons, as soon as we are there I will let you have a drink, but I don't want to break stride until were there."

We made it there and he stood in the parking lot with the mouthpiece to the Camelbak in his mouth, sucking on it suggestively and leering at me.

"I've made it here, are ya nervous yet, Jasper?"

"No, I'm not worried. You are sun burning as we speak and if you keep tanking up on that water, you are going to get cramps and you are going to be puking before we are halfway back. It's going to be hotter, and its uphill back towards the school, so no, I'm not worried yet unless it's about you passing out on the side of the road and having to carry your ass back."

He spit the mouthpiece of the camelback out and the looked at his chest and shoulders which were taking on a nice shade of pink in the blistering morning sun. If he didn't cover up soon, he was in danger of getting horrible sunburn, but knowing Ed, he was going to ignore me and stubbornly insist it was too hot to wear a shirt. I agree it was too hot, but sunburn would make life a living hell during training.

We walked into Rincons which was a small, hole in the wall Chinese grocery that just happened to make the best Mexican breakfast burrito's in the entire city. They were cheap and huge, just what a couple of starving students needed to fuel them for a weekend of studying. I ordered a couple of ½ pounders and making sure Ed was done with his wandering around looking at everything in the store, paid for both of them and got ready to head back to campus. I had already gotten my drink as I was running, the camelbak was made especially for runners and those on extended hikes so that you could sip water as you moved, Ed had been forced to take his drink all at once when we stopped, so he wasn't as good as shape as me and it was possible he would be sick on the way back.

"Well, are you ready? I've got the burritos packed up and I'm ready to go. I tend to keep a quicker pace on the way back, and it may be harder for you to keep up. I'll put your burrito in the microwave to keep it warm if it takes you a while to make it back because once I'm done eating, I'm gonna grab a shower."

"Don't worry about me, Jasper, I'll be fine, and I plan on collecting on the wager this weekend if you don't mind."

"Uh huh, right, I'm sure you do, Ed. Remember you have to make it back to quarters today, without me carrying you."

We started back and I was surprised to see Ed easily keeping pace with me as I jogged along. We didn't speak as we passed the first mile and Ed even pulled ahead of me, shirt still off and the red beginning to show across his broad, pale, shoulders. He was breathing easily, his longer strides eating up the ground as he loped along in his oddly giraffelike gait. I was taking double the steps to his and still breathing easily as 5 miles was less than my typical weekend run, but apprehension over what Cullen had in mind as his prize should he actually win the bet was beginning to weigh heavily on my mind.

The last part of the run was a half mile of a steep hill climb, towards the campus that wound around the mesa that the campus was built into, it was punishing and even left me weary most times, so this was where I expected Cullen to fall out as the heat was now relentless as it not only beat down from above but as the reflected heat from the macadam beat up on us from the pavement.

His pace had slowed a bit and the sweat the was beaded across his back was steadily running down the center of his back and soaking the top of his shorts which were clinging to his hips,(not that I was watching), as he moved in front of me.

He was still breathing evenly, but he was slowing and I finally passed him with a grin and told him as I jogged past, "Remember, if you can't make it, just let me know, I'll go get my car and come pick you up so we don't have to call an ambulance to haul your candy ass in to the hospital."

He smiled at me. He fucking smiled at me and then he picked up the pace and left me staring at his ass as he crested the hill. Fuck!

He was standing by the door of the dorm as I jogged up, casually leaned against the wall with one long leg cocked up against the wall, looking like a deranged stork. He grinned at me and said, "Can I have my breakfast now, I'm really hungry and I'm going to need my energy for what's to come later, and by the way, when I say come, I really mean, c u m. "

He actually fucking spelled it out and I felt my stomach twist in a funny way.

"You set me up, didn't you? Are you a runner or what? Why have you been dragging ass for the past few weeks? What the fuck is going on with you Cullen?"

"No, I'm not a runner; really, I just find a way to win when I am properly motivated. I know you will pay up, that motivates me, and so I wanted to win."

"Holy Shit, Cullen, you are insane."

I handed him his burrito as we walked into the dorm, and he quickly unwrapped it and wolfed it down, probably not even tasting it as he eyed the one I was slowly unwrapping and taking my first bite of.

"You aren't going to be able to eat all of that, are you, Jasper? That's a mighty big burrito for a little fella."

"Back off, Ed, It's mine and I'm plenty hungry. We walked down the hall to our room with him leering at me suggestively with each bite I took of the burrito; avidly watching me was disturbing and off-putting. I didn't really clue into what he was trying to convey until we got into the room and I went to take a bite and he groaned.

"Stop it, Cullen! I'm hungry and you aren't going to get my food by acting like a freak. Go take a shower or something and be weird in there."

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Jasper, I was just groaning because of an achy muscle."

I glared at him and took another bite, he groaned again and this time he shifted his position where he was sitting on his bunk watching me and I saw him rub his crotch.

I glared at him and took a fierce bite of my burrito, showing my teeth as a ripped a chunk of it away. He smirked at me and rubbed himself again.

"You like being rough, Jasper? Rough can be very good at times."

I gave up. I tossed the rest of the burrito at him and grabbing my shower kit and towel I headed to the showers.

Scrubbing the sweat and road dust off of myself quickly, I was exiting as he came sauntering in clad only in a towel.

"What's the hurry Jasper, I told you that when I won the bet, we would settle up in the room."

"Fuck you Cullen! Fuck. You."

"Maaay be Jasper, maybe."

The door to the shower room slowly closed in my face as I stood in the hallway, too stunned to move.

I eventually went back to the room and debated locking the door, locking him out and not even dealing with it, but then again, I was curious just what the hell he was up to. I threw on a clean pair of gym shorts that I usually wore on weekends when I was planning on doing laundry and cleaning our quarters, and with a burst of nervous energy, I began stripping my bunk and sorting my dirty laundry in an effort to get it all ready to go so I could be gone before he returned. I was just about to walk out the door when he came walking back through the door wrapped in the same towel, and seeing me standing there without a shirt on, he grinned, turned around and locked the door behind him.

"Soo, I believe you said something about fucking me Jasper?"

"Cullen, that's not funny."

He walked towards me, looking right into my eyes as he said, "You don't see me laughing do you?"

"Ed, I've never done anything like that, I don't even know what to do."

"No, you don't, but I do and I want to teach you. I want to be your first."

"Uhh…we can't! I don't have any rubbers! What about Aids aren't you scared of getting sick, Ed?"

"I've always been safe, Jasper and I was tested just after the last time I was active and before starting the academy, I am clean and you are a virgin, so I'm not worried and I have lube so that's not a worry before you try that one."

"Ed, I don't know what to do."

"Do what you are doing right now, be yourself, relax and just enjoy what I am doing. I'm not going to hurt you, in fact, if you want, you can just lay there and I will take care if everything, but I don't think you are a lay there kind of guy."

He had steadily been moving closer and closer to me as he spoke, until he was firmly in my personal space, forcing me to look up to talk to him or else to look at his chest or worse, the part of him that was barely covered by the towel. He reached out and slowly put a hand on my chest and began stroking up and down from my chest to the top of my shorts. I shuddered, partly in fear, partly in pleasure, and closing my eyes just gave myself over to him.

"That's it, Jasper, just feel. I felt him begin to kiss the side of my neck as he started walking me backwards towards his bed, his hands guiding me back until the backs of my knees hit the bunk and I sat down.

"Scoot up on there and lie back for me, will you?"

I did as he asked looking around nervously as he pulled away from me and began rummaging around in the drawers beneath his bunk. He pulled out a bottle of stuff and laid it up near my head, I was glad the blinds in the window were drawn in an effort to keep the room cooler so he didn't see what a fierce blush that was probably covering my face and chest as I looked over and read the word, "Astro-glide" on the bottle. I knew what that stuff was, but I had never seen it up close.

Before he crawled back up next to me, he reached up and gently pulled my shorts off and tossed them aside. I know I stopped breathing as he pulled the towel off himself and still holding onto it, laid down next to me on the bed. He was so much taller than me it was almost funny, and I had no idea how he thought things were supposed to work between us. He went back to softly stroking and kissing me and I closed my eyes again, just getting lost in the sensations.

He seemed to know exactly what would feel good, because everything he did set me on fire and left me wanting more. When I felt his hand reach down and begin softly touching my dick, I couldn't stop my hips from lifting off the mattress or the groan that escaped from me.

"Oh God, Ed!"

He snickered in my ear and then he said, "Oh, if you like that, you are going to love this."

I felt him sliding down lower in the bunk and then I could hardly believe it as I felt his warm breath wafting across my stomach and then to my shock and surprise, he took me into his mouth!

All I could hear was sound like wind rushing and that may have been because all the air left my body when he did that. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe and a damn sure didn't know what to do about the crazy sounds I was making.

He pulled off of me and crawled up next to me again, shaking with laughter. "Okay, I think you liked that a little and that you are damn sure vocal about it. I think you are ready though, if you get much harder you are going to hurt yourself. Can you rise up on your knees?"

Honestly? I didn't know if I could, my body felt like it had gone haywire. Not since I had been injured and shot up with morphine had I felt this out of control.

"I can try."

My own voice sounded odd and strained to me, and as Ed grasped my hand and pulled me upright, I realized I was shaking. He pulled me to him and kissed me deeply, making me forget what I was so nervous about as I felt him switch our positions on the bed, and it was then I realized he was laying on his back with me kneeling between his legs. I hoped he didn't want me to do to him what he had just done to me, because I wasn't sure I could, in fact the thought of it really freaked me out. I knelt there, looking at him as he stroked himself.

"You don't have to just sit there Jasper, you can touch me if you want."

I just stared at him for a moment before finally gathering enough nerve to reach out and take him in my hand. I continued stroking him like he had been doing as he reached up and got the bottle of lube and snapped the lid open and squirted a bunch into his hand. He rubbed his hands together and then reaching up, he coated my dick from base to tip, causing my eyes to roll back in my head from the pleasurable sensation. I felt his hand brush mine and when I opened my eyes again, I saw that he was reaching between his own legs doing something, his head thrown back, his chest rising and falling rapidly as I stroked him firmly and steadily. I couldn't really tell what he was doing, and I was almost afraid to look too closely, so I just watched his face as and the expressions of rapture that came over it as I sped up or tightened my grip.

After a couple of minutes, his hand reemerged from between his legs and he wiped the excess lube off on the towel. His face was flushed and his eyes were almost glassy. He had to be close, I had noticed his balls drawing up and he was breathing deep and heavily as he looked at me though his hooded gaze.

He rose up and kissed me deeply again, stilling my hand and pulling me closer in towards him.

"Are you ready Jasper? I know I am."

"Ready for what?"

My voice cracked, I know I sounded terrified, and to his credit he did not laugh, he just gently pulled me towards him and then reached down and taking my dick in hand, guided it to where he wanted it.

"Let me lead you, take it slow and remember to breathe, okay, Jasper?"

Oh. . He really wanted me to fuck him. He really intended me to actually fuck him.

"Jasper, push forward just a little."

It's not going to go, it's too tight. I can't do this. Oh what the hell is he doing! Oh my God he pulled me into him! Oh! Oh! It feels soo hot and soo nice. I have to move. I have to move NOW.

"Jasper! Yeah! Go boy, Go!"

I couldn't stop if I wanted to, and I don't want to. It's all kinds of sensation and all of it just too damn good. I feel a side of myself coming out that I thought I had managed to walk away from, and I let it loose. I am pounding into him relentlessly until he does something, I don't even know how, but he managed to reach down and grab my balls and gently tug them down and I find myself coming and coming and coming with a growl and that seems to have come from the deepest part of my soul, and with one last thrust, I fall on top of him, with the full realization that I am no longer a virgin in many, many, ways.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Sorry this took a little longer than normal, watching an old friend tear itself apart tends to make my muse a bit flighty and morose. **

"Whitlock, I don't know what the hell you did to Cullen, but I like it, you have made him into a born again hard recruit. I think that sad sack may actually turn into a decent officer that won't get himself or someone else killed his first week on the street."

"Yes Sir. Thank you for your confidence in my work, but Cullen has just become a motivated recruit. He's always been top notch academically; he just needed a little time to get squared away with the proper way of thinking. He's doing a good job now."

"Well, I think you both care looking towards a bright future with the department, and I will be glad to see you out there keeping this knucklehead on the straight and narrow. Cullen, I don't know what got into you, but it's done you some good, you are definantly born again hard. Now just keep it up and you are on track to graduate at the top of your class with Whitlock as your second."

Don't laugh. Don't even smile. I was never as glad in my life for my Marine Corp training as I was in the Directors office that day. Ed feigned a coughing fit to cover his loss of composure when the director asked "What had gotten into him", I was afraid he was going to say something. I just knew he was, he had been so damn casual about what we had been doing for the past few months that I was afraid someone was going to pick up on it, but it seemed that as he had gotten tougher appearing and more in line with academy standards, no one had a clue that almost every night he was begging me to just about pound him through the mattress.

The class shrinking in size at a fairly rapid rate as the academic as well as physical standards took their toll, and with the advent of practical exercises, injuries had also begun to decimate the ranks. In just the impact weapons block alone we had lost 3 recruits to broken hands, ribs and one shattered cheekbone. They would be able to cycle though with a later class, but only if their departments needed them and if they healed well enough to return.

Ed and I had both nursed some pretty substantial injuries, but due to his academic prowess and willingness to help out with study groups, the rest of the cadets took it easy on him, I had not been as lucky, and recovering from a dislocated shoulder had taken longer than usual because I could not miss a day of training unless I wanted to be recycled, and when I got struck in the head by one of the other recruits during 3on 1 hand to hand combat and knocked unconscious, I was afraid that I would be recycled even with my protests to allow me to continue, but I had awoken to find Ed lobbying heavily on my behalf and after I assured the director and our advisor that I would assume any liability for any long term effects, I was allowed to continue training, all I can say is , thank God it was a Friday and I had the weekend to recover.

"Thanks Ed, I guess I owe you one again."

"Oh I like the sound of that Jasper. What shall I collect from you that I haven't already gotten?"

" Oh Jeeze, I don't think I like the sound of that."

"Oh now come on Jasper, Have I lead you wrong yet? I do believe you seem to be enjoying the way I collect on my debts from you."

"I haven't had any real complaints, but I feel like hell so if you don't mind, I think I am going to take a shower and hit the rack and sleep for once."

"That's fine, Jasper, we have the whole weekend ahead of us."

"Yeah, right Ed, whatever."

"Wake up, Jasper! Wake Up!"

"Jeeze! What Ed! What the hell do you want? I have a fucking headache from hell and I feel like shit."

"Dude! You have been asleep for almost 24 hours! I think you need to get up and move around or some shit, it's starting to freak me out. You didn't even wake up when I put my junk in your face."

"Ed, why did you put your junk in my face?"

"To see what you would do with it."

In a lot of ways he had become a really dedicated, hardcore recruit that was taking to training like he was born to be a cop. In a lot of other ways, he was still a an overgrown teenager that seemed to thrive on teasing me, even though we had rapidly become best friends, if not something more to each other.

What we did with each other was not love making, I would not call us lovers by any measure of the word, though we had a bond and a friendship that had been formed due to the stress of the situation we were in, much like in combat.

Around Christmas time, Ed had reached out to his family to see if things had changed, and it had not gone well. He was alone in the world; in fact, he had been replaced by his sisters' new baby and was essentially written off as a lost cause as far as his parents were concerned. He never said much other than the bare facts, but hardness showed up in his eyes after that phone call, and it never left. He trained harder, and pushed himself to achieve more and more in the academy and with the department than even I had thought him capable of, that was also the first time he hinted that he might want to try to change how we were doing things between us.

I had never given much thought to how things worked in gay relationships before I actually got into one, but I knew that I liked what we had and I didn't want to change it. I had always seen myself as a man, and I didn't see that changing no matter what he suggested. I liked fucking him, he enjoyed taking it, and we had a pretty good thing going between us where we both got what we needed, though the first time he suggested I suck his dick we about had a brawl in the dorm room, but we worked it out, and it ended up not being as bad as I expected it to be, but I'm no bottom, and he's known that from the get go, any movement he made that even hinted at him trying to put it to me lead to me freezing up and everything coming to a screeching halt.

We talked about it a few times, and he was always hinting at it, but to me that was just something I hadn't been willing to do because to me it meant submitting, being the woman in the relationship, and while it all seems stupid now, at the time and considering how I had been raised, I felt perfectly reasonable and justified in my resistance because Jasper Whitlock submitted to no one.

"Seriously, Jasper, you need to wake up and move around a little. You have been out like a light and you are going to be really stiff, and while that might be a good thing in a lot of ways, Monday is going to be a bitch for training and you really need to make sure you aren't too racked to be my partner in the exercise."

"Why do you want me to be your partner, I would think you would want to team up with McCarty or one of the other meatheads for this one, after all, it's going to be facing off against some of the really big guys from the SWAT team and you know they are going to fuck us over really hard anyway."

"I know that Jasper, but if you and I team up together, that gives me the ability to distract them with my height and reach while you get them with your speed and low to the ground sneakiness. We will be unstoppable. Everybody else is evenly matched and will have to just battle it out the best they can being evenly matched, but we will have a good distraction on our side."

"You know what Ed; you just may be on to something."

"I know what I would like to be on, Jasper."

"We haven't done it that way in a while; I guess I don't mind lying down a little longer."

"No, Jasper, you misunderstand me. I want you. I want to top you. I'll take it slow and I'll make it soo damn good you will be begging me to do it again and again, but I want to be in you."

'Back off Ed, don't touch me; you aren't going to be able to talk me into that! We have had this discussion before and you know how it ends."

"Come on Jasper, you know I won't hurt you, you will like this, just give it a chance."

He had started running his hands over me and punctuating each thing he was saying with a kiss or a gentle nip along my neck, (one of my weaknesses), as he slowly climbed on top of me. I was interested in getting laid, and I figured we would have the same mock argument as always, he would tell me he wanted to top, I would say no, he would pretend to pout and then it would end with us both happy after I reminded him why I was the fucker and not the fuckee.

"Mmm Ed, what are you doing?"

I was feeling pretty close to boneless after he had given me a blow job that had left me believing that it just might be possible to go blind from sheer pleasure, when I crawled up over the top of me and started kissing and nipping on my neck again. He was lying between my legs and I could feel that he was not only harder than a rock, he was right there.

"I think you should let me collect a debt."

"Ed, let go of my hands."

He had managed to get ahold of my wrists in one of his giant paws and while he wasn't gripping tightly, he wasn't letting me go easily either. He continued what he was doing, nipping and kissing around my neck and my ear, his body heavy on mine but not crushing or displeasing, "Please Jasper? Just try it a little, no one but us will ever know and I promise you will love it."

He continued to nip and nibble and then when he realized I wasn't fighting him tooth and nail, he rose up and looked into my eyes, "Please Jasper?"

"Ed, I just…I just don't know how I feel about submitting to anyone, I've never been able to just give in, it's in my nature to fight and be in control."

"Jasper, you will still be in control, I promise. I won't hurt you and you will love this, we will take it slow and go at your speed."

"Slow Ed, damn slow."

"Jasper, I promise you, I will go slowly until you tell me different."

He let go of my wrists and began gently and what I would qualify as lovingly, stroking and kissing me, seeming to seek to relax every inch of my body and my spirit before he even made a move towards what was his ultimate goal.

I admit it, I was a coward. I lie there with my eyes closed, going with the ostrich school of thought that if I didn't see anything, then it didn't happen, just enjoying the feel of his hands and his mouth all over my body. I didn't open my eyes when he briefly got off the bed, I knew what he was going after, and I knew very soon that things were going to change.

When I first felt him brush his fingers very softly against my backside, it was odd, but not unpleasant, even though my entire body reacted by going on high alert and freezing up until Ed moved down and began distracting me by working my sated cock over with his tongue.

As that part of me rapidly returned to life and my focus was shifted from my backside to my dick once again, Ed began more and more insistently to stroke against my backside with his fingers and I found I wasn't minding as much until as he stroked past once he pushed one finger inside.

My breathing stopped as Ed intensified his attention on my dick as the movement of his finger stopped and he allowed my body to adjust to the intrusion. It felt funny. Not funny, "ha ha" but funny weird, and I wasn't quite sure I what to think. I was enjoying the other things Ed was doing so I just focused on relaxing and soon enough it didn't bother me as much and I noticed Ed was slowly beginning to move it in and out.

He had managed to shift around to where he was kneeling between my thighs, with one hand gently working at stroking my side and my chest, creating little paths of sensation that added to the intensity of the sensation that was taking place around my dick.

Ed had managed to get the lube open and he had coated the hand he was using to work over my backside and things were getting warm and slick feeling all over the place and it was hard to tell just what was going on until I felt him push a second finger inside me.

That about brought everything to a stop as the intensity of the feeling overwhelmed me and my first inclination was to fight against him and push him off, and out, but he intensified the attention he was giving my dick and I knew that if he kept on, I was going to cum in spite of the initial discomfort of what else he was doing.

My eyes were clenched shut and I didn't open them until he pushed a little further inside and did some weird twist and hit something that sent shockwaves through my body. I gasped and my eyes flew open as I was overcome with pleasure and the desire to actually push down against him even though my head was telling me that I should be resisting the intrusion.

He grinned around my dick and pulling off for a minute he looked up at me and said, "You liked that? Just wait a minute; I have something you are going to fucking love." He twisted his fingers again and hit that place and as I gasped and twitched in pleasure, he withdrew his fingers and taking more lube from the bottle, he coated his dick heavily and then placing the tip against me, began to press forward in place of his fingers.

It hurt. Take your breath away and make you want to punch someone in the face kind of hurt, and I started to pull away, but Ed leaned down and began kissing my neck and holding my arms so I couldn't really go too far. He rolled me up on my side and laid down behind me and started gently pressing into me again, and while it still hurt, the pain wasn't as intense and being cradled in his arms with him reaching down and stroking my flagging dick back to life to distract me, helped to ease it and before I knew it, he was halfway in, his gasps and groans telling me that he was struggling to maintain control and not just thrust as hard as he could. We were both sounding like a bad porn movie as he slowly began a rhythm that allowed him to ease a little further in each time he pushed back into me, and before too long he was all the way in, his body pressed all the way against me as he rested for a moment, allowing me to adjust to the completely weird feeling and himself to gain control.

"Are you okay, Jasper?"

"Yeah."

"I'm going to move now."

"Okay, Ed"

He pulled way back and then slowly thrust all the way back in, somehow hitting that spot again and sensation overruled my minds objections as my body took over.

"Oh God, Ed!"

He didn't reply but I felt him grin as he was nipping at my ear, and he drew back and thrust forward a little harder. The grunt that came out of me was not of displeasure, and being he had learned to read me over the past few months, he soon, found a steady rhythm that was punctuated at each thrust by the sound of our grunts and moans of pleasure.

He maneuvered me back onto my back and though my eyes were still clenched tightly closed; I could feel him looking at me intently as my orgasm approached. He arms were wrapped up under my shoulders, his hands cradling my head, with his fingers wrapped in the little bit of hair that had begun to regrow in the intervening months, and somehow, my arms had wrapped themselves around his neck.

His thrusts were becoming harder but more erratic as me both reached our peak, and as I felt him press his forehead to mine, I heard him say, "Jasper, please, look at me?"

I opened my eyes and looked into his eyes and he smiled and kissed me as my orgasm hit me and I was lost in pleasure, but not too much to hear him say, "I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

I could not believe what I just heard, he said he loved me? No fucking way. This is not happening. I will be his best friend, I will be his fuck buddy, I will be his partner, but I am not going to be his, "boyfriend".

"No. Ed, you can't love me."

"What do you mean I can't love you? I just told you that I already do. You should say it back or something."

"Ed, we can't do this! There is no place for this where we are at."

"I have to disagree, Jasper, I have found the perfect place to be at."

He leaned down and began softly kissing my jaw and the side of my face as he whispered, "It will be okay, it will be our secret. No one will know but us, but I had to tell you. I think I have loved you since the first time you punched me."

"Ed, I don't think I can say it back to you yet."

"It's okay Jasper, as long as there is hope that you will someday, I can live with that."

He was already hard again in me and he slowly began to move again, this time feeling like love making, and as much as I wanted to resist it, I found myself enjoying it and believing that maybe it would be okay, that maybe we could keep it just between the two of us without anyone figuring out we were anything more to each other than friends and partners.

"What are you doing Jasper?"

"I'm adjusting your tagline Ed, I swear, over 9 months of inspections and I don't think you managed to have a straight tagline the entire time. It's important you look really good today, after all, as Valedictorian of the class your speech will get the most attention, since you have the highest academic levels ever, you are getting all kinds of attention from not only the sheriff, but the college too. You want to really look good because it would help you out in the future."

"Jas, im not worried about it. I'm going to go work in admin and you are going to patrol where you are going to be in danger all the time. I just don't think it's fair! Your grades were just below mine and you are my Lt, how can they not see you should be in admin as well?"

"Ed, I don't want to be in admin. I wanted to be on the road. I want to go into narcotics investigations, so I got what I asked for, they didn't let me down."

"But, you could get hurt."

"Ed, we have had this talk more than a few times, I will be fine. I have had even more training than you in surviving out there and I seem to be pretty much bulletproof."

"What are we doing tonight after graduation is over?"

"Well, Ed, I thought we would drive over to San Diego and celebrate for a couple of days. We don't have to move out of the dorm until next week and I don't start with my Field Training Officer until the week after, so we could just hang out on the beach and relax."

"I don't even want to think about anything to do with a beach, but I have missed the ocean quite a bit."

"Good, now let's get ready to go before they come looking for us."

"Jasper?"

"Yeah, Ed?"

"Can I get a blowjob for good luck?"

"How about you settle for a kiss?"

"Can't blame me for trying, can you?"

"No, I was actually thinking of asking for the same thing."

"Jas, I think I have rubbed off on you more than a little."

"Many times in the last 9 months Ed, many times, in case you forgot."

"Nice one! Good to see you were paying attention to all the cool shit I was teaching you about being a pervert."

"After waking up with your junk in my face almost every morning, I don't think I had a choice, Ed."

He walked out the door of our room with his laugh booming down the hall and I watched him leave with pride. He had made it and he had made it in fine form. Not only had he achieved the highest academic marks in the academy, ever, he had managed to help the majority of his classmates achieve high academic marks with his study guides and mnemonics, and he had built a strong following among the cadets and training officers. As his best friend, I had also achieved much, overcoming all my injuries to pass with high marks in all areas of the physical and practical skills areas. We had dominated the academy and our recruit class at the sheriff's department, but it had not been without controversy. We were suspected of being more than friends.

It had been a recruit that Ed had caught cheating after he had tried to help him several times to grasp the requirements needed for an arrest vs a Terry Stop, but the guy was just determined to be obtuse and difficult. He was already badge heavy, skirting the rules about when he was allowed to wear his full department uniform by claiming he had changed in his car when he was suspected of wearing it out in town and claiming to already be a full officer.

Black had no problems using expletives of all kinds, including racial ones and his favorite was the word, 'Faggot." He had referred to me in that capacity more than a few times due to my stature, but had refused to back up his words with any action so we tended to walk around each other with a wide berth, until Ed observed him cheating on the written test and did what the Code of Conduct required of him, he went straight to the director and reported his observations, completely unaware at the time that the director had seen him make the observation so if he hadn't reported the cheating, he would have been expelled for violation of the Code of Conduct along with the cadet he caught.

The controversy went down fast and furious with the majority of the class supporting Ed, but the expelled cadet had friends who decided to exact revenge for him by lying in wait for us as he walked back to the dorms after the end of a particularly tough practical's session when we were both exhausted and more than a little bruised.

"I think I am going to stand under the shower for a good hour, and if I am capable of movement after that, I am going to crawl into my bunk and sleep until Monday! I'm serious Jasper, don't even wake me for chow, that is how damn tired I am."

"Uh huh, I have heard that all before, then either your stomach growls or your dick gets hard and you are up with the chickens. We have PT in the morning so quit yer bitching, you owe me a good 5 laps around the track and 20 trips up and down the beach."

"Oh come on! You aren't going to hold me to that, are you Jasper? I mean, really?"

I should have been paying more attention, after all, I had lived in a combat zone and survived all kinds of things, but I had let my guard down thinking we were safe because we were almost full cops and we were on a college campus.

I had no idea we were surrounded until Ed stepped in front of me and said, "Your beef is not with him, this is between you and me, so why don't you just let him go?"

"That's my cousin you got kicked out of the academy, pendejo! You and your maricon are gonna pay for that that. You fuck with one bean; you have to fight the whole burrito!"

With that, the tattooed and stocky man in front of Ed swung the bat he was holding and hit Ed in the side as two of the others plowed into me and attempted to take me to the ground. Fists and boots as well as tire irons were striking all parts of me that I couldn't protect, I couldn't even see if Ed was still on his feet as a well-placed shot caught me across the brow and with blood pouring over my eyes, I went to my knees, the world turning gray as one of the men grabbed me by my hair and said, "I would cut your maricon throat but I don't want the AIDS, we all know you and your boyfriend are bringing that shit to our city, you should leave before maybe a bullet finds you instead."

The sound of distant shouts and sirens was the last thing I heard. I awoke three days later in the hospital, stitches still holding my face closed and worried about Ed, worried that I had been retained, and just plain worried about what the punk had said to me.

"Oh thank God you are awake! I didn't think you were ever going to wake up!"

A pale and haggard Ed rose from the seat he had been ensconced in beside my bed, bandages on his face and arms as well as bruises coloring his cheek and jaw. He pulled the blanket back up over my chest where it had slipped down, seeming to need to do something with his hands other than touch me for so some reason.

"What happened, Ed"

"We got attacked by 5 of Blacks cousins. You caught the worst of it before the campus cops showed up. You have a concussion, some bruised ribs, a hairline fracture of your wrist and 23 stitches in your face and arm."

"What about you, Ed?"

"I got off easy, just some broken ribs, some cuts and bruises. They went after you because you were smaller and they were a bunch of pussies. I broke one guys jaw in 3 places, the guy who hurt you has 8 broken ribs, a broken collar bone, and a concussion as well as he's missing part of an ear."

"Ed, what did you do with his ear?"

"Uh, well…I think I might have swallowed it."

"Ed, they know."

"They know what?"

"They know about us."

"How do you know, Jasper?"

"The guy who's ear you bit off? He told me."

"Don't worry about those idiots; no one will listen to them. They all got charged with assaulting police officers since we are already limited certification and then since they had weapons and other shit on them, they got a bunch of other charges. They are going away for a long time. The department and the academy is kissing our asses right now because apparently Black made threats and they ignored them, so their asses are on the line for a huge lawsuit. Neither of us are getting recycled, in fact, we are heroes right now because they gave the entire class the week off while the director and the college coordinate to address the lack of security for cadets.

"Holy shit, we have a vacation?"

"Yeah, Jasper, we have a vacation. The doc said you might get out of here tomorrow if you are feeling better, so feel better, okay? I hate sleeping in this damn chair and I can't sleep in our room without you because I guess I need to hear your stupid snoring."

We had survived that and no one else had said a word to use about being anything other than best friends. I thought we were careful enough to keep any sign we cared about each other, hidden deep inside, but when you work with cops, everyone is watching everything at all times and subtle glances are evaluated and filed away for a later date when they occur too often.

"Come on, Jas! You have to give the prayer before I can give my speech, so get a move on before we cause a riot."

He leaned in the door leering at me in my uniform as I adjusted my Smokie hat for the last time.

"You make sure to bring that hat along to San Diego, okay? I have some ideas for what you need to do to me while you are wearing it."

"Ed, you are a perv! I think that violates the uniform code somehow."

"Jasper, I plan to violate a hell of a lot more than the uniform code once we get the hell out of here for a few days, I may even see if we can violate a few laws of nature, and one or two of physics."

"Damn, Ed!"

His laughter once again echoed down the hallway as he threw an arm around my shoulder and dragged me out the door of our room, my blush coloring my cheeks until we reached the front exit doors.


	11. Chapter 11

We spent the week after graduation in San Diego just learning how to be a normal couple. In a place where we didn't have to hide everything, it was amazing. We drove up in Los Angeles and went to clubs and did things like danced together, held hands in the street and didn't worry about who saw us because we were just another couple in the crowd. Our nights were spent in each other's arms, dreaming of a future we both knew deep in our hearts we couldn't hope to have when we went back, but it was out lottery fantasy, our pipe dreams that even included kids and a house with the white picket fence, the whole nine yards.

To my surprise, Ed had started to aspire to gain rank with the department, something I had never figured he would want.

"Think of it Jas, if I were to gain a command position, I could begin to change attitudes about people like us. I don't believe for a minute that we are the only gay guys in that department; you know that LT. is light in the boots; he's just hiding and denying. If I were to become sheriff even, I could make changes and we wouldn't have to hide anymore. I'm so tired of hiding the fact I love you."

"Ed, that city is not the place for us; it's full of old people, conservative religious people, and military people. If you come out, all you are going to do is bring down a lot of grief on yourself and the department. I'm telling you, just be quiet and let the cards fall where they may. If we tell anybody we are gay, we are as good as telling the department we are done working there. They will find some reason to get rid of us, or worse, someone could get hurt. I've seen what happens when some people find out they have been working with and friendly with a gay man and it makes them question things about themselves, backup can come slower or not at all or worse, bullets can get confused in a firefight."

"I think you are under-estimating the people in the department, I think we would be fine Jasper, we are both popular officers and we have friends."

"Ed, those friends think we are straight men, they don't know and if they did, they would be just like Black and his cronies."

"Don't you think people will start to wonder why we are still living together after we get back? I mean, we will both be making decent money, and we could afford separate apartments."

"Yeah, we could, but you are a slob and everyone knows you need a keeper Ed, they know I am your keeper and you have to have someone around to make sure you don't try to live on pizza and beer. No one suspects me of being gay because I was a Marine, and everyone knows that shit don't fly with the Corp, the only way they would really figure anything out would be if you let anything slip."

"Jasper, I'm just so damn tired of having to live a lie and as a secret, aren't you? It's not fair! Half the guys in the class have gone through two or more girls since the Academy started, and we even had that guy cheat on his wife and get divorced! We have been with each other the whole time, faithful, with no straying."

"But, Ed…who is to say that if we were in a more diverse community that might not be a problem? I mean, it's hard to know when there isn't anything else around to consider as a viable choice."

He looked shocked and hurt and I immediately regretted my words, but he needed to understand that what he was proposing doing could ruin us both. As it was, people might suspect he was gay, but they had no solid proof, and since they didn't, they just thought he was weird and a bit immature, but if he said those words and outed himself, then we were both going to face the wrath of the community at large and the department, and I, for one, was not ready to lose everything I had worked so hard to gain, no matter how much I loved him. I just wanted him to understand that we needed to wait until the time was right for us to leave and go where we actually fit in and belonged.

"You would want someone else, Jasper? You don't love me?"

"Ed, that's not what I said at all! Of course I care about you, but what I am trying to get you to understand is that now is not the time to go charging in like you are the great gay savior and moral voice of reason for that community. We haven't been there that long; we haven't been a part of that department that long. We are rookies so no matter how valuable you might be for your computer knowledge and brains, you are still the low dog in the pack, and I am the even lower dog. We can't shake things up for a while."

"I guess you are right, but Jas, I am going to try to move up as fast as I can. I want change for us and for the next guys who come along. This is not right, this half-life of always having to hide who and what we are to each other. What if one of us gets hurt or something, we won't have any say over anything!"

'Ed, we can fix that. Everyone knows that neither of us has any decent next of kin, so we will just appoint each other. It will be okay. They know we are best buddies, we just have to play it straight as best we can and enjoy our vacations away from it all where we can be ourselves."

"Wont people begin to wonder why we don't date women?"

"Ed, we will both be busy with work for quite a while, and then, we can just make sure we are seen out in the bars from time to time with some of the local badge-bunnies, make it look convincing every now and then and no one will be the wiser that when you go home at night instead of laying it to some bar skank, you are actually the one getting pounded through the mattress."

"Oh I know that no one would suspect that, little man."

I had made him smile again, gotten him distracted away from the thoughts of the secret we would be hiding once we got back home, if only I could keep others from noticing anything for the next 5 years then we would be home free to escape to a better place, with experience, training and hopefully rank behind our names to ease our path to freedom and a better life.

"Jesus! Jasper! What the hell happened?"

He came racing into the room as the nurse was cleaning up the last of the suturing materials, and I gave him a warning look, trying to make him aware that we were not alone, since my FTO was in the bathroom washing his hands.

"It's nothing Ed, some lil scrote had a knife and managed to sneak a shot in on my when a couple of his buddies came around the corner and surprised me."

"You took on three guys?" His face drained of color as he sank into the chair beside the bed.

"Yeah, he damn sure did, had them crying and begging for their mommas too in short order before I could even get out of the damn car." My FTO had finally emerged from the bathroom and was looking at Ed with a funny expression on his face.

"No need to call Lucy or anything Ed, I'm okay. Don't even need a tetanus shot like the last time."

Lucy was our made up girlfriend/code word that we used when one of us needed to let the other know what we were in danger of being suspected. My FTO was a suspicious old coot and I knew he wasn't too fond of Ed as it was, considering he wasn't a former Marine and he worked in Admin, and was seen as , "One of them" on a good day, so I needed to get that hound off the scent.

"Oh, well that's good Jasper, she was ready to go down to the department and kick asses last time you got hurt! I don't think she stopped griping for a week!"

"Well, I'm not hurt too bad; I only got 17 stitches and some antibiotics, so it's not that big of a deal."

"Regardless Whitlock, department orders are that you are taking the next 48 hours off to rest and recuperate. Get your report done at home, ill finish up the booking paperwork for you this time, and you can just owe me when you get back."

"Thanks Sgt., I appreciate that quite a bit."

"Hey Cullen, you give your buddy a ride home, I was supposed to be off shift 2 hours ago before he went all John Wayne on the local scum bags."

"Not a problem Sgt. Have a good evening." Edwards's voice was calm but his eyes betrayed the fact he was very upset with me. I knew that while he was being calm in front of the Sgt., I was in for an earful if not more once we got home.

It took another hour to get released while the nurse took her time teasing us both about stitches in places we didn't want to think about as well as telling us about people who had come in with things stuck in inappropriate places, she carried on with her stories, all while efficiently filling out all the paperwork, bandaging up the stitches and giving me information on wound care that she thought I would need. When she left the room for a moment Ed looked at me with his eyes large and a freaked out expression on his face, "Jas, I think she suspects something."

"What makes you say that, besides the stories she has been telling us?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact she mixed this in your paperwork." He quickly flashed me a paper that caused me to about fall off the narrow gurney, titled, "Gay and Lesbian Support".

'What do you want to do about it Jas?"

"Nothing Ed, we do and say nothing."

The nurse walked back into the room and had me sign a few more pieces of paper that wrapped up the business. Then she said, "I'll be right back with a shirt for you to wear home, yours is in a bag due to all the blood, and you will have to meet me by security so I can get your gear released, so don't go anywhere boys."

A few minutes later she came back carrying a scrub top and her purse. "Come on boys, let go get your gear and blow this pop stand for the night."

Not knowing what else to do, we followed her to security and after I got my gun and gear, out the front door and into the strangest conversation I have ever had with a woman.

"I know you are probably a little sore and tired, but we need to go have a drink and a long talk about a few things, so we can either go to Dennys or we can go to my place, what do you prefer?" She stood there, looking us up and down appraisingly like we were hunks of meat in front of her as she cocked one hip and smoked a cigarette like it was the best crack she had ever found.

"I'm starving, so I guess Dennys will work for me, is that okay with you, Ed?"

Ed was staring at her like she was going to eat us both, but he shrugged and said, "Okay, I guess if the lady wants Dennys, then we will go to Dennys. Meet you there?"

We followed behind her, though it wasn't easy considering she drove like a bat out of hell and seemed to disregard every single traffic law known to man and beast, before whipping into the mostly deserted parking lot.

"Don't look at me like that! I'm hungry and I need caffeine. I've seen how you cops drive when you are off duty, so don't even go there, it's the ass crack of the night and no one is on the streets anyway."

"Ma'am" I started to say.

"Rose, my name is Rose, not "Ma'am, Nurse, Hey you", or "lady", It's Rose, and Rose is hungry, lets got order some food." She stomped off towards the restaurant with Ed and I trailing along nervously behind her as she ordered a booth at the back of the restaurant where we would have some privacy, and after ordering from the tired looking waitress, she looked at us and said, "So, you two do realize you are not fooling anyone, right? How long have you been together? I would say less than a year by the way you act around each other, and you must be new to even knowing you are gay, aren't you John Wayne?"

Edwards spitting of soda across the table after she called me John Wayne, did nothing to distract her attention off of us. She leaned across the table towards me and said, "Look, I am not an enemy. I had a brother who was gay and who tried to hide it in this damn town. Notice I said, HAD a brother? Yeah, he's dead, this town ate him alive. What in the hell are you two doing in this hell hole? It's like the last place a gay couple needs to try to set up house, especially as cops!"

"It wasn't like we planned for this to happen. You are right, I didn't really know what I was, in fact, until I met this corrupter of the innocent, I hadn't even tried to figure it all out. I just wanted to get my badge, get a job and try to re-build my life as best I could with all my injuries that I have and the local department offered me that option. Ed was slumming with friends and we ended up just kinda getting together after I kicked his ass."

"Hey! You mean after you grabbed my junk!"

"You kept calling me gay!"

"Jas, I think we both know by now I was right. Either I was right or you have been doing a damn good imitation of it for the past 11 months."

"So I was right on all counts? Damn! I'm good, but guys, all joking aside, that guy who is your FTO? He is very bad news. He's one of the most anti-gay, racist and intolerant assholes in the department and if he suspects you two, you will be in danger. Who is Lucy? Is she your beard? Has he met her? If not, he needs to and soon."

"There is no Lucy; it's just a code we use with each other to kinda give a heads up that someone might suspect and that we should begin talking about girlfriends."

"Smart, but not good enough. You guys need at least one for real woman to act as a beard for you before you are figured out. Congrats Stretch, you just became my new boyfriend, John Wayne? You and Lucy are going to have a bad break up over your injury and you are going to mope for a while so I can see if I can find a friend who will work to cover for you."

"I don't know how I feel about this!" Edward was looking at her with a weird grin as I protested, I knew he was down with it, but I had a bad feeling about the entire situation, it was letting another person in on our secret and she would hold our very lives and our futures in her hands, someplace I wasn't sure was secure worried about our best interests.


End file.
